A RADIO CHRISTMAS SAMPLER, Vol. V

Holiday Radio Stories, 2025

Written and produced by

John F. Barber

CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)
Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 4.0 International

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 13, Episode 12

Final draft

A RADIO CHRISTMAS SAMPLER, VOL. V

Holiday radio stories, 2025

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 13, Episode 12
Final Draft

Premier broadcast: December 15, 2025

Written, Produced, Hosted by John F. Barber

Post production, original music, sound design by Marc Rose

Graphics by Holly Slocum with Evan Leyden

Social Media and Announcing by Rylan Eisenhauer

Synopsis
Re-Imagined Radio's fifth volume of radio holiday stories. This sampler includes a Christmas wartime message from Edward R. Murrow who encourages us to keep hope alive, samples from "A Christmas Party for Hubert Smith" where radio connects a wounded Navy sailor in California with his family and hometown in Tennessee, and "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas" by Norman Corwin, told in rhyming verse.

Credits
"Christmas Message to America, December 24, 1942." CBS News, Edward R. Murrow.

"A Christmas Party for Hubert Smith." Truth or Consequences, Dec. 20, 1947.

"The Plot To Overthrow Christmas." Columbia Workshop, Dec. 24, 1945. Written and directed by Norman Corwin.

Color Code
Yellow highlighted text = sound effect(s), either pre-recorded or live.

Magenta highlighted text with strike through = text deleted for episode timing

MUSIC = pre-recorded

MUSIC = bespoke, created for this episode

COLD OPEN
SFX: EDWARD R. MURROW, "CHRISTMAS MESSAGE TO AMERICA, DECEMBER 24, 1942"
MURROW
This is London. And this is the fourth Christmas Eve. The Beef Eaters may have become spam-eaters, but no one has seen Scrooge about tonight. Our men have been giving parties for British children. They have made toys of odd bits of wood and metal. Big tough sergeants have played Santa Claus. Thousands of British children, and especially the orphans and the poor, have had a memorable time thanks to the Americans. Our men are the best-fed, best-paid, and best-uniformed soldiers in this war. And this could mean they have certainly maintained the American tradition of good-natured generosity. Some of them are a little homesick, but you couldn't tell it by looking at them. I've asked many of them what they'd like to say if they were talking to America tonight, and most of them have said, "Well, you see, it's a little tough to know what to say, but you know how it is." I have an idea that most of them will tell you, don't worry too much, we're all right, and we're amongst friends. And some of them on this dark night might repeat the words written a long time ago. "Though there be darkness, it shall be as the morning, and thou shalt be secure, because there is hope."
THEME AND ANNOUNCER
MUSIC: RIR THEME
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Re-Imagined Radio, a program about sound-based storytelling. With each episode we explore how dialogue, sound effects, and music can engage your listening imagination and promote storytelling. Here to tell you about THIS episode is John Barber, producer and host.
HOST OPEN
HOST
Thank you Rylan. Hello everyone. Welcome to Re-Imagined Radio. This episode is "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 5." It's part of our holiday series.
This is the fifth year we have offered a holiday sampler. This time the theme is "Hope," and we have three radio stories I hope you will find interesting.
We began, as you just heard, with Edward R. Murrow, and his "Message of Hope to America, Christmas Eve, 1942." Broadcasting via shortwave radio from London, Murrow, as always, is a reliable commentator of what he sees and hears.
Please listen to our episode "Proximity Effect," which considers Murrow's radio reporting of the London Blitz during World War II. It's available on our website, reimaginedradio.fm, or our YouTube channel, [at sign] reimaginedradio.
Next, we'll listen to samples from "A Christmas Party for Hubert Smith," an episode of the very popular program Truth or Consequences.
Then, we'll listen to "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas," a radio drama written in verse, broadcast by Columbia Workshop, Christmas Eve, 1945.
For more information, and the episode script, visit our website, reimaginedradio dot fm.
Thank you for listening as Re-Imagined Radio presents "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 5."
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
ACT #1, "CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR HUBERT SMITH"
HOST
The next sample comes from the radio program Truth or Consequences. Created by Ralph Edwards, it opened on four CBS stations March 23, 1940. Soon, it was carried by stations nationwide, the greatest success story of the 1940 radio season.
Sponsored by Procter & Gamble, makers of Duz dish soap, Truth or Consequences quickly established itself as the most sensational of all radio quiz shows then available.
Episodes combined elements of slapstick and lunacy, in a quiz show format. Contestants were asked questions. Incorrect answers resulted in outlandish "consequences."
In this sample, from the December 20, 1947 episode, Edwards directs a transcontinental radio and telephone hook up between Tennessee and California, to provide a hopeful Christmas for a wounded war veteran. And facilitate radio storytelling. Let's listen to "A Christmas Party for Hubert Smith."
SFX: SAMPLES FROM "A CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR HUBERT SMITH," DECEMBER 20, 1947, TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES.
ANNOUNCER-ARLO WILCOX
Hello there. We've been waiting for you. It's time to play Truth or Consequences. Yes, Truth or Consequences, the show that does everything on the air. Brought you to by Duz, the soap that does everything in your wash. And here he is, the fellow whose show was again voted number one, Audience Participation Show in the annual awards made by newspapers and radio editors, columnists and critics conducted by Motion Picture Daily in behalf of Fame Magazine, and next to Bing [Cosby] was voted number two, Master of Ceremonies. No. But with us, he's just that Duzzy guy, Ralph "Truth or Consequences" Edwards.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, thank you very much, Arlo Wilcox, and greetings, party players. I certainly want to thank the radio editors and critics for voting Truth or Consequences number one again.
Remember, last week, we asked you to write your Christmas wish for the world to "Merry Christmas, Box 400, Radio City Station, New York 20, New York 20." York.
We told you, you weren't going to get anything for your trouble. No prize, nothing.
Well, so far, about 42,000 people, you too I hope, have taken the trouble to do something for nothing. That's a mighty good-sized crowd, and the thing they've done is mighty good-sized too.
By their wishes and by their numbers, they have proved something pretty important. People are pretty swell people. They want a lot of good things for themselves, but they want a lot of good things for other folks too. Love, faith, friendship.
We haven't finished counting the letters yet, and we haven't sorted the different wishes. But next Saturday, we hope to be able to tell you on Truth or Consequences what the top ten wishes are.
Meanwhile, the Christmas wish to the world idea is growing by leaps and bounds. On Christmas Day, seven daytime radio programs are going to devote their entire programs to dramatizing some of the wishes you sent in.
Now, let's see Arlo, where's that list of programs? Oh, here it is. Big Sister, Ma Perkins, Young Dr. Malone, The Guiding Light, Life Can Be Beautiful, Pepper Young's Family, and The Right to Happiness.
Now, you've still got time to send in your Christmas wish to the world. Just answer this question. If you had the power, what would you give the world for Christmas?
Keep your answer short. One word if possible. Send your answer to Merry Christmas, Box 400, Radio City Station, New York 20, New York. Not later than midnight, December 25th, please, so we can get 'em all counted and sorted in time to give you the results next Saturday night.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes ... it's here again. For the past weeks, you've been going over that gift list and maybe most of... of your purchases there. But now on the threshold of the big week of the year with wreathes in the window, holly on the door, with a jolly old man with a long white whiskers fattening up his reindeer for the big trip down, there's no denying it, Christmas is here.
SFX: BELLS RINGING
RALPH EDWARDS
And come Thursday morning, the bells will be ringing at all the churches, the kids will be laughing in all the houses, most everyone in his own way will be celebrating the reason for Christmas, the doctrine of peace on earth, goodwill toward men.
And we got to thinking what an ironic thing it is that many of those who helped give peace the real meaning of the word will be doing their celebrating from a bed or a wheelchair. And I wonder if each one of them can know and feel in their heart just how grateful we are.
So fellows in hospitals all over the country, this next consequence is for you. As a matter of fact, you might even be the contestant we have for it.
Here we go to a veterans hospital, and will the fellow whose name I call please say hello back to me, although there may be no microphone in sight, you see.
Hello? Hello? Hubert Smith.
HUBERT SMITH
Hello.
RALPH EDWARDS
Hi, Shipfitter 3rd Class Hubert Smith. This is Ralph Edwards at Truth or Consequences. Now, tell our Christmas party listeners what hospital you're in, Hubert.
HUBERT SMITH
Long Beach Naval Hospital.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, sir. Well, is all the gang around there?
HUBERT SMITH
You bet.
RALPH EDWARDS
Where's your home, Hubert?
HUBERT SMITH
Greenville, Tennessee.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, where is Greenville, Tennessee?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, uh, that's, uh, seventy two miles north of Knoxville.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, sir. Who all is in your family, Hubert?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, there's, uh, just three of us, my mother, father, and myself.
RALPH EDWARDS
I see. What do they call you, Hubert, or...?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, no, they call me... I go with my initials, H.C.
RALPH EDWARDS
H.C., okay. But what's your father's occupation?
HUBERT SMITH
Uh, he's the manager of the Greenville bus station.
RALPH EDWARDS
I see. What, uh, what, uh, coach company is that?
HUBERT SMITH
Uh, Tennessee Coach Company.
RALPH EDWARDS
I see. Well, before we go any further, we'd better give you a question, Hubert. Uh, Al, get me a question from the question bin, will you, please, or Floyd? And then, if you miss it, you must pay the consequences, okay?
HUBERT SMITH
Uh, I'll try.
RALPH EDWARDS
All right. The gang around there, fellas, we'd better give 'em an easy question, do you think, or a hard one?
CROWD RESPONSE
Hard one.
RALPH EDWARDS
Let 'em have it, okay. Here, uh, Harold, uh, DeCellis of Aurora, Illinois, wants us to tell him why a lazy husband is like a Model T Ford. Truth or consequences, H.C. H.C. Smith. Hubert Smith.
HUBERT SMITH
Uh...
RALPH EDWARDS
How about that, H.C.? Why is a lazy husband like a Model T Ford?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, uh...
RALPH EDWARDS
You got all sorts of time. You got 20 seconds. 18 have gone by, 19, 20. Because they're both shiftless.
HUBERT SMITH
Huhh.
RALPH EDWARDS
Oh, man. Well, I guess we got him, didn't we, gang? Well, you haven't told the truth, so you must pay the consequence.
Now, your consequence, H.C. Hubert, is to pretend it's the night before Christmas in Greenville, Tennessee, your hometown, just as it's been for all the years you can remember. You're back there with the family and the gang, doing everything you've always done. This is before you ever thought of the word "paralyzed" or "hospital cot."
Okay, hang on. We're really going back to Greenville. This is a preview of Christmas Eve in Greenville, Tennessee, H.C.
I suppose the first thing we'd better look in on is the school party. Didn't the high school usually hold a Christmas party the day before Christmas?
HUBERT SMITH
Yes, They usually did sometime just before Christmas or before we got out on vacation.
RALPH EDWARDS
Ah yeah, alright then, here we go, boy. Alakazoo, alakazam, school party at Greenville High, here we am!
Oh, look who they are, you see? Hey gang, hey everybody, hey, look, listen, everybody, look who's here. Here's Hubert Smith. Old, H.C., he's here for the annual Christmas party.
CROWD VOICES
(GENERAL WALLAH)
RALPH EDWARDS
Oh, how does that sound, Hubert?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, I haven't thought about those fellas in a long time.
RALPH EDWARDS
Boy, they're glad to see you. Say howdy to them.
HUBERT SMITH
Hello, gang.
CROWD VOICES
(GENERAL WALLAH)
RALPH EDWARDS
They're really there, boy. You'll have to sort of give your names, you fellas there, and girls at school, give your names one at a time Hubert so that we'll recognize you at least HC well just in case any of the guys have gotten fatter and the gals prettier. Go ahead.
WALKER
Hello HC, remember me?
HUBERT SMITH
Who is it?
WALKER
Mary Elizabeth Walker.
RALPH EDWARDS
Remember HC?
HUBERT SMITH
I sure do.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well don't get so anxious boy. All right next.
PARKS
Hello Smitty, this is Forest. Remember the explosion in Ms. Roberts chemistry class?
HUBERT SMITH
What do you say, Forest?
RALPH EDWARDS
Come on.
BOSWELL
Hello, H.C. This is Kathleen Boswell. Remember me?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, you bet, Kat.
RALPH EDWARDS
The whole gang, boy.
LAMB
Hi there, H.C. Remember me? Marietta Lamb.
HUBERT SMITH
Hello, Marietta.
RAMSEY
Hi, H.C. This is J.W. Ramsey. How's tricks?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, same as always.
RALPH EDWARDS
Who's Tricks? Huh. Never mind.
SY RAMSEY
Hello H.C. It's Sy Ramsey.
HUBERT SMITH
What'ya say Sy.
MAURICE
Hey, H.C. It's Maurice. Remember those big football games we used to have.
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, you bet!
BILL
Hello, H.C. This is Bill. Do you remember those firecrackers that we used to shoot in Study Hall?
RALPH EDWARDS
Okay boy. Well, they all seem about the same don't they H.C?
HUBERT SMITH
They sure do.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah, any of you get married since Hubert saw you last?
AMBROSE
Oh, yes, H.C. I'm getting married in the near future. Guess who I am.
HUBERT SMITH
Well, that could be Kathleen Ambrose.
AMBROSE
Oh, you're exactly right.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, you hit it right on the nose there. Well, who are you going to marry?
Is that a question? Is that, Kathleen, who are you going to marry?
AMBROSE
I'm marrying Jack Armitage. You remember him, H.C.?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, no, I think, uh, Cat's, uh, probably been going with some of the fellas since I left.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah.
HUBERT SMITH
She always was a handful, but she's getting around quite a bit.
RALPH EDWARDS
Some of the younger crop has crept in, you know. Well, look, kids, uh, uh, we're, uh, going to have to get running on. This magic spell only lasts to the end of Truth of Consequences tonight, and Hubert has a million things to do and a million people to talk to, so say goodbye gang, here at the annual school party at Greenville High School.
CROWD
Wallah
A.B. GILLEN
Hey, Smity. This is your old principal, A.B. Gillen. Remember me.
HUBERT SMITH
You bet.
A.B. GILLEN
We just want you to know we're thinking of you all the time. The gang is all and with a happy tear in their eyes for you. Hurry and get well here Merry Christmas.
HUBERT SMITH
Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Geller.
RALPH EDWARDS
You bet it's Merry Christmas, fella, and a town full of friends proving it. But, say, we'd better get floatin' over to the next place. Let's see, the night before Christmas in Greenville, Tennessee. What would you be doing, H.C.? Oh, my goodness! Is all your Christmas shopping done, Hubert?
HUBERT SMITH
No, I haven't thought anything about doing any this year.
RALPH EDWARDS
Man, did you get a gift from your best girl?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, not yet.
RALPH EDWARDS
What's her name?
HUBERT SMITH
Lila Morrell.
RALPH EDWARDS
Lila Morrell. Do you love her?
HUBERT SMITH
You bet.
RALPH EDWARDS
Any marriage hopefulness there?
HUBERT SMITH
Well I'm gonna think about it seriously as soon as I get out of this bed.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah boy, I knew there'd be some last-minute shopping to do. What do you want to get Lila? How about a nice handkerchief or something like that huh?
HUBERT SMITH
Just for her why she rates more than that.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah but I mean we can get that maybe a handkerchief now, okay?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, I'll settle for that I guess.
RALPH EDWARDS
All right, well come on before the stores close. Here we're right in front of George R. Lane's store here on Main Street. Let's go in, shall we?
HUBERT SMITH
Right.
RALPH EDWARDS
Okay boy, come on. We're entering the front door, really, of George R. Lane's in your hometown of Greenville, Tennessee. Alakazam! Now let's get that handkerchief and get on here. Let's see, we're in the store now. Here's a counter where we ought to be able to get a handkerchief. Hello, you recognize this fellow?
PASS
Well, Hubert Smith. I'm Ms. Fern Pass. Remember me?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, yes.
PASS
Remember my son John? It's wonderful to see you, Hubert. So you want one of these pretty ones? For a girlfriend, I bet.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah, he wants one of the pretty ones.
PASS
What color do you like?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, we'll make it white silk.
PASS
White.
HUBERT SMITH
White silk.
PASS
You want something with lace or just plain?
HUBERT SMITH
I'll, uh, might as well make it lace.
PASS
What size does she wear?
RALPH EDWARDS
Now, wait a minute. What size? Isn't this the handkerchief counter?
PASS
Oh, my no, this is the lingerie counter.
RALPH EDWARDS
Oh, for goodness sake. Give us a pretty handkerchief and let's get out of here, huh? H-C, say goodbye, boy.
HUBERT SMITH
Goodbye.
PASS
Goodbye, Hubert.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, sir. Street here. We'll hang on to Lila's present, handkerchief, in case you see her. Here we are. Wonder who's around here on Main Street. Right on Main Street. Who's out on Main Street?
MEYER
Hello, Hubert. This is Fuzzy Meyer from the drug store. It's good to see you.
RALPH EDWARDS
You remember Fuzzy Meyer... Uh, Herbert?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, you bet. Oh, great to see you, Fuzzy.
MEYER
You bet.
RALPH EDWARDS
Wait a minute, listen. Hear the church bells? You recognize that sound, Hubert? Those are really the church bells in Greenville, Tennessee. All this is in Greenville. This radio magic is real. Now, come on, let's get up to your church, huh? The Asbury Methodist Church.
MUSIC: ORGAN, IN BACKGROUND, FADES IN, CONTINUES UNDER
RALPH EDWARDS
Here we are in the vestibule of the Asbury Methodist Church in Greenville. HC, you still with me, huh? Yeah, we're right here in the vestibule. Let's peek through the door and see who all is here tonight. You recognize any of these people, H.C.? There's Mr. and Mrs. Perry Lamb, you remember?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, I remember all these folks, several of these people.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah. That a boy, you're playing it right along, and Bobby Phillips, remember him?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, sure, but I haven't seen him in a long time.
RALPH EDWARDS
You went in the Navy with him, didn't you.
HUBERT SMITH
That's true.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah. Well, let's go on in, because Reverend Plenor... We'll speak right after the organ stops. Uh, come on, come on in. Here we go.
FRAZIER
Hey, H.C., remember me? I'm Catherine Frazier.
RALPH EDWARDS
Catherine Frazier.
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, hello, Catherine.
RALPH EDWARDS
Get you to talk to talk in church like this.
HARRY FORTIN
Hey, H.C., Harry Fortin, remember, pal?
HUBERT SMITH
You bet
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah. And look over there.
GRANDMOTHER
Hello H.C. This is your grandmother.
HUBERT SMITH
Hello, Grandmother.
GRANDMOTHER
Here's Granddad.
GRANDDAD
Hello H.C. How are you?
HUBERT SMITH
Just fine.
RALPH EDWARDS
That a boy.
LYNN BELL
Hello, H.C. How are you?
RALPH EDWARDS
Who's that?
HUBERT SMITH
Oh, that's Lynn Bell.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah, boy.
LINDA LEWIS
My name's Linda Lewis Cray, you remember me?
RALPH EDWARDS
Sure he does. I'm sure the Reverend won't mind her talking like this. Quiet, you folks. Reverend M. Guy Plenor is going to speak.
REV. PLENOR
I have always thought about and preached about the joy of giving, and how truly more blessed it is to give than to receive. But tonight, I find the genuine reason for joy in receiving, in receiving back into our midst one of our dearest friends, Hubert Smith. And whether it is by radio's merit ... or in our dreams, H.C. has never left our hearts, and in hundreds of churches all over the country, I'm sure all of us preachers, priests, rabbis, and spokesmen of all faiths look down at the seats where you boys used to sit and know in the deep of our hearts that the prayers which went with you into war will bring you back to us again to share the peace that you have made possible. H.C., it's good to have you with us.
MUSIC: ORGAN, "JOY TO THE WORLD"
RALPH EDWARDS
Did you hear what Reverend Plenor said H.C.
HUBERT SMITH
Sure did Mr. Edwards.
RALPH EDWARDS
He meant you and he meant all the fellas listening in hospitals all over the country.
But alakazoo alakazam and look where we are now on this magic trip spending a preview of Christmas Eve in your old hometown. Now you may be in a ward in a veterans hospital in Long Beach, California and I may be here on this stage in Hollywood at NBC, but everything else is in your hometown of Greenville, Tennessee. Everything is real, especially these old pals of yours.
Look, they're over here on North Main Street, all lined up as if they were just waiting for you to join in the Christmas carols.
Hi, gang!
CAROLERS
Hi! and general wallah.
HUBERT SMITH
We're out here on Main Street. Who are you caroling tonight?
CAROLERS
We're in front of Dr. and Mrs. Haskell Fox's home.
RALPH EDWARDS
Right in front of us. We'll ask the gang what they're going to sing, H.C., so you can join in.
HUBERT SMITH
Well, what are you gonna sing tonight, gang?
BEULEY
Hello, H.C. This is Eugenia Beuley, one of your seventh grade teachers out at Doak. One song you used to like best is "Silent Night." Are you ready to lead us in it?
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah. Okay.
HUBERT SMITH
I'll try.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, sir. Here we go, H.C. You start it out, and your friends, 2,000 miles away, will join you in front of Dr. and Mrs. Fox's house there in Greenville. Here we go.
HUBERT SMITH
(SINGING)"Silent Night . . ."
CAROLERS
(JOIN IN. THEY SING TOGETHER).
MUSIC: ORGAN FADES IN
CAROLERS
(END)
RALPH EDWARDS
Ah, that was beautiful, H.C. Wasn't it, Carolers?
CAROLERS
(WALLAH)
DR. FOX
Hello, H.C., this is Dr. Fox. Mrs. Fox joins me in saying, "That was swell! Merry Christmas! Welcome home!"
RALPH EDWARDS
Oh my goodness, I'm glad you reminded me, Dr. Fox. Home is right. I promised Hubert's mother and father I'd get him over to see them before the tree was trimmed. Now here we go, right over to your house, H.C. Alakazam! And here we are. Your folks are expecting us. Let me knock, though, just to warn them.
SFX: KNOCKING ON DOOR
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah. Anxious to talk to Mother and Dad?
HUBERT SMITH
Sure am.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, I'll bet they're as excited as you are. How long since you've been home?
HUBERT SMITH
It's been several months now. About eight months, in fact.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yeah, they're certainly taking their time. Don't seem to answer. Why, look, Hubert, there isn't even a light on. Where do you suppose they are?
HUBERT SMITH
Well, they might still be at the station.
RALPH EDWARDS
No, they said they would be ... Oh, what's the matter with me? Of course, they're not in Greenville, Tennessee, tonight. Do you know where they are, H.C.?
HUBERT SMITH
No, I haven't any idea, Mr. Edwards.
RALPH EDWARDS
They're right there, outside the door of your ward, in Long Beach Naval Hospital. Come in, Mother and Dad.
MOTHER AND FATHER
Hello, H.C. Hello, Hello H.C. Merry Christmas.
RALPH EDWARDS
Are they there, H.C.? I guess they are.
HUBERT SMITH
Yes, they're here.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, goodness, there's Mother and Dad. H.C., we sort of pulled a switch on you there at the end. We really have been in Greenville with our microphones all night, meeting your old friends.
But when it came to mom and dad, we threw away the magic stuff and brought on the real thing. Your dad's boss, Mr. Al Kramer, even provided a substitute for both your mother and dad at the Tennessee Coach Company, so they could come along. Are you happy, fella?
HUBERT SMITH
I sure am, Mr. Edwards.
RALPH EDWARDS
Yes, sir. If you can't go to Christmas Christmas will come to you. Mother, how did he look to you?
MOTHER
Oh, he never looked better to me.
RALPH EDWARDS
You bet.
RALPH EDWARDS
All right, well, I guess you heard H.C. meeting all his friends and doing some late Christmas shopping. By the way, H.C., what did you do with that handkerchief you bought, huh, fella? Huh?
HUBERT SMITH
I still have it.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, why don't you, listen, why don't you give it to your fiancee, Lila Morrell, huh? Because she's right there outside your door too. Come in, Lila!
MORRELL
Hello, H.C.
HUBERT SMITH
Hello, Lila.
RALPH EDWARDS
Is that a surprise, H.C.? Well, our hearts are with you, kids, who've been in love for a long time, and we know this Christmas will be a happy one for you. What do you do back in Greensville, Lila?
MORRELL
I'm a telephone operator for the Intermountain Telephone Company. But the number that I want best is H.C.
RALPH EDWARDS
Well, you betcha. Mother and father and Lila, this reunion in your and Hubert's happiness, we mean for every veteran in veterans' hospitals all over the country tonight.
MUSIC: ORGAN FADES IN, "FIRST NOEL"
RALPH EDWARDS
This is your moment too, fellas, because your parents and wives and children and sweethearts in their minds and hearts are thinking that's me there with you, and that's what your hometown is thinking right now too, boys. Small town, big city, that's what they're thinking. I don't think it's just at Christmastime, either. It's every day. It's just that with all this talk about peace on Earth at Christmastime, we wanted you to know in this special way that the peace you fought to give us, we're gonna fight to keep.
H.C., Mother and Dad, and Lila are here as our guests to spend the Christmas holidays with you. Uh, we-we have hotel reservations for them near the hospital there, and since we've pretended this is Christmas... Let us give you your present.
You've got a swell future, Hubert. The courage that has brought you this far is the same courage that will see you through the future. Here to help that future is a $500 savings bond. Good luck. God bless you. Merry Christmas, H.C.
HUBERT SMITH
Thank you, Mr. Edwards, and a very Merry Christmas to you.
RALPH EDWARDS
Thank you. Good night. Good night, boy. Good night.
HUBERT SMITH
Good night, Mr. Edwards.
SFX: APPLAUSE
RALPH EDWARDS
Our thanks to engineer DeWitt Shultes and Truth or Consequences producer Ed Bailey in Greenville, Tennessee's church and school, to engineer Jim Hackett and producer Dick Loughran at Main Street and Lane Store, Greenville, to engineer Joe Kay and producer Fred Carney at Long Beach Naval Hospital and to our studio and mixing engineer Johnny Pollock and producers Al Paschal and Floyd Holm here in Hollywood. To our Truth of Consequences organist Buddy Cole and church organist Ida Ripley in Greenville, Tennessee, and to all of Hubert's many friends in Greenville, Tennessee who were so eager to pay this tribute. To their pal, shipfitter third class Hubert Smith, paralyzed from the neck down in Long Beach Naval Hospital, and all the veterans throughout the grateful thanks to you. This is Ralph Edwards speaking on behalf of our sponsor, the makers of Duz, and wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Good night, everybody.
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME FOR BREAK
THE FUSEBOX BREAK
HOST
This is John Barber. Thank you for listening to Re-Imagined Radio. Our episode is "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. V."
These are strange and difficult times for a lot of listeners. But hope and inspiration can come from any direction. For example, consider "The Fusebox Show."
Produced by Marc Rose, Milt Kanes, and Jeff Pollard, each episode features unique conversation and commentary about current events and contemporary culture. Here's a sample.
SFX: THE FUSEBOX SHOW TEASER
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME, FADE UNDER AND OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING
HOST
"The Fusebox Show" is also available as podcasts. Learn more at their website, thefuseboxshow dot com.
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME, FADE UNDER AND OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING
HOST
You're listening to Re-Imagined Radio. Our episode is "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 5."
So far, we've listened to a "Christmas Broadcast from London" by Edward R. Murrow and "Hubert Smith's Christmas Party" from Truth or Consequences.
HOST
Our final sample is "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas," written and directed by Norman Corwin and broadcast by Columbia Workshop, Christmas Eve 1945.
All the actors and sound engineers are gathered in the same CBS New York studio. So the experiment is not with remote broadcasting. Rather, it's how the actors speak their lines. They all use rhyming verse, as the bad guys of history all gather in hell and hatch a plot to overthrow Christmas. Enjoy listening to this unusual, but hopeful, example of radio storytelling.
ACT #2, THE PLOT TO OVERTHROW CHRISTMAS
SFX: LOUD THUNDER
ANNOUNCER
Seven years ago this Christmas a young radio writer-director named Norman Corwin produced his first half-hour broadcast for CBS. A fantasy entitled "A Plot to Overthrow Christmas." This holiday season, Norman Corwin comes back to the same studio to direct substantially the same cast with which he first presented his now traditional fantasy "The Plot to Overthrow Christmas." As in the original production House Jameson plays Santa. Eric Burroughs is Nero. And Will Geer performs the role of Mephisto. Henry Morgan, better known as "Here's Morgan," is a newcomer to the plot, playing a number of roles including that of your narrator.
SFX: CYMBAL CRASH
ANNOUNCER
Did you hear about the plot to overthrow Christmas?
Well, gather ye now from Maine to the Isthmus
of Panama, and listen to the story
Of the utter inglory
Of some gory goings-on in hell.
Now it happened in Hades,
Ladies
And gentlemen,
It happened down there that the fiends held a meeting.
The fiends held a meeting for the purpose of defeating ...
Christmas.
With the aid of a fade,
A fade on the radio,
We'll take you there with a hi and hey-di-ho!
To hear first hand the brewing of a plot
Down in the deepest stygian grott.
SOTTO VOCE
(CONFIDENTIALLY) "Grott" is a poetical term for grotto.
(Whenever you hear my voce sotto
Or sotto voce, whichever you prefer,
It's just I, taking pains to make quite sure
That nobody makes a poetical allusion
Which might, in any way, create confusion.)
I return you now to the voice you were hearing
Before I had to do this interfering.
ANNOUNCER
As I was saying
In this stygian grott
The notables of limbo hatched a plot
And what went on in the sulphurous hole
We'll soon pick up by remote control.
Of course, such a pick-up is not made quickly,
As a matter of fact it's rather trickily.
You mustn't mind if it sounds erratic
That's merely intra-terrestrial static.
Don't be surprised if you're deafened by thunder
Just as we start on our journey under:
You'll hear earthquakes and all of the commoner varieties
of natural phenomenon.
And so below,
Via radio, (fading)
To regions where
Legions of the dam-ned go.
SFX: CYMBAL CRASH FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY PROLONGED THUNDER COMING UNDER AND A THERAMIN-TYPE NOISE TO INDICATE DESCENDING. NOISE OF RADIO TUNING. THIS FADES OUT AS VIOLIN FADES IN.
COURIER
(ENTERING AND UNDER THE VIOLIN) Nero!
Do you hear? Nero!
SFX: VIOLIN STOPS
NERO
How dare you interrupt me in the middle of a movement
of my favorite concerto? You should look to the improvement
of your manners.
COURIER
Sir, if you please,
my apologies.
I would not have intruded upon your recital
If the matter were not so terribly vital.
NERO
The most important matter in the world is piddling
When it comes to be compared to Nero's fiddling.
COURIER
Now what you say may be very true
But I've been sent here to summon you
To a great massed meeting of the tortured souls
Down in the grott of the flaming coals.
NERO
A meeting? What for? What's the big idea?
Why can't a fella have some peace down here?
COURIER
Peace, poor soul, can't be found on the premises
This is a region abounding in Nemeses.
NERO
Now you're talking like a travel folder.
Tell me, varlet, before I smolder:
Why are we meeting? Who's on the spot?
COURIER
We're meeting in order to fabricate a plot.
A plot against the festival that mortal men
comfort in, and gladden in, again and again.
You see, every year they get together...
NERO
(INTERRUPTING) Never mind the facts.
I don't want to hear how mortal man acts.
The only information about which I care
Concerns the mass meeting and who'll be there.
COURIER
His wickedness, Mephisto, will preside.
NERO
Naturally.
COURIER
And several of the Borgias will be sitting by his side.
And down in front by the sizzling sodium
Will be many personalities noted for their odium.
Haman, Caligula, Medusa and Legree...
NERO
That's all very nice, but what about me?
COURIER
Oh, you'll be sitting in row A, center.
'Tween Ivan the Terrible, the tormentor--
And Circe...
NERO
Mercy!
Why, they're both deranged!
COURIER
Do you wish me to see if your seat can be changed?
NERO
Yes, if you will, please.
Taste comes first, even though a soul may be
Eternally cursed.
COURIER
Right-o! (EXITING) See you at the meeting then?
NERO
Yes. And now, back to my fiddling, again.
SFX: VIOLIN BEGINS, AND CONTINUES UNDER...
SOTTO VOCE
This is I, the sotto voce person.
It should have been explained that Nero is rehearsin'
for nothing in particular.
He's just that way.
While hell's fires burn,
He likes to play.
It makes him feel a little more at home.
It's just an avocation he picked up in Rome.
SFX: VIOLIN FADES WHILE...
CAST
(VOICES FADE IN, A CROWD, EXPECTANT. CONTINUE BRIEFLY, THEN...)
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS SEVERAL TIMES.
CAST
(VOICES CONTINUE BRIEFLY AND THEN UNDER FOR...)
MEPHISTO
(Over voices) The meeting will now come to order, please.
CAST
(Voices fade out as Mephisto continues)'
MEPHISTO
I've called you here from over sixty seas of boiling pitch
And blazing phosphorous to stop what constitutes a loss
For us.
We've lost prestige and I greatly deplore
That we stand in danger of losing more
In the way of confidence and spirit.
We're far from our goal; we're nowhere near it.
And this is the reason:
Though we've done well
In carrying forward the work of Hell
We've left a very big job unfinished.
After all these years there is undiminished
Good will on Earth every late December
Because of Christmas.
Now please remember that as long as this continues to be
The race of man will not belong to me.
I will listen now to any questions you may want to ask;
And then, suggestions.
HAMAN
Mr. Chairman. Mr. Chairman!
MEPHISTO
Brother Haman has the floor.
HAMAN
You say we've done well in our efforts to sell evil.
I say we've done better. We've carried out the letter of your law.
And I say as a veteran demon...
IVAN
Sit down there, Haman,
Enough of this folly..
HAMAN
Sit down yourself,
You're out of your trolley.
IVAN
Sit down. I am Ivan, the Terrible.
VOICE
You're telling us! Why, you're unbearable.
CAST
(LAUGHTER)
SFX: GAVEL POUNDING REPEATEDLY
MEPHISTO
(ABOVE THE NOISE) I want more decorum
In this forum!
These personal remarks you make must cease.
Now, brother Ivan, will you speak your piece.
IVAN
I merely vant to say,
In a casual vay,
That Haman's a radical,
Always gets fan-yat-ical.
Vhy, you think to hear this pup,
That the devil should judge him up.
HAMAN
Mr. Chairman, brother Ivan is a demagogue.
With a brain like a fly and the manners of a hog.
Now he says that...
CAST
(LOUD RESPONSE, DROWNING OUT VOICE)
SFX: GAVEL, SEVERAL TIMES
MEPHISTO
It comes to this: Are we going to let a little holiday
Like Christmas
Get the better of us all down here below?
CAST
(LIKE A COLLEGE CHEER) No! No! No! No! No!
MEPHISTO
Very well, then sirs, Very well, let's go!
Let's lay down plans now to overthrow this Christmas business
And all that guff of holly and mistletoe and stuff.
CALIGULA
Mr. Chairman! Mr. Chairman!
MEPHISTO
Brother Caligula may take the floor.
CALIGULA
Mr. Chairman, I abhor,
As a former emperor,
Anything which curbs our rule.
Let us give some presents, too.
Candy sticks and things to chew,
Fruits and nuts and little cakes,
Poisonous as rattlesnakes.
CAST
(BRAVO!)
CALIGULA
Let our subtlest worker be
Bichloride of mercury.
CAST
Brilliant!
CALIGULA
Let us wrap in tinsel bright
Little gifts of dynamite.
CAST
Very good.
CALIGULA
Work things, so that men will fear
Whenever twelve twenty-five draws near.
CAST
Good.
CALIGULA
Soon, at this rate if you please
Men will hang from Christmas trees.
CAST
(AGREEMENT AND APPLAUSE)
MEPHISTO
My dear Caligula permit the chair
To say you've got something there.
And now with this fine start,
Let's hear some more.
MEPHISTO
Yes, Brother Nero, do you want the floor.
NERO
With all due respects to Caligula's views
I think there's a better method we can use.
I've heard just lately that men are giving the razz
To classical music by making it jazz.
They're swinging Bach and what is keener
They're doing the shag to Palestrina.
As a connoisseur of music, of course I love
The works of Rimsky-Korsakov.
But today I note, with a bitter shrug,
They've made Sheherazade a jitter-bug.
MEPHISTO
Much as we admire your clever rhyme
Will you get to the point? We're wasting time.
NERO
I was just about to say when interrupted
That Christmas can easily be corrupted
If you take and swing all the Christmas carols.
Why think of the evil!
Just barrels and barrels
Of sacrilege every time you play
A pious song in profane way.
Why, once you entice them to swing Noel
Then victory belongs to us. Well?
CAST
(AGREEMENT AND APPLAUSE)
LEGREE
Mr. Chairman! Mr. Chairman!
MEPHISTO
Mr. Legree!
LEGREE
I'd like to say that it seems to me
That you-all is barkin' up a coonless tree.
I think Mista Nero has made a wrong guess.
The way to go about it is to get in Congress
And bribe a bunch of Senators who know dere oats
And jes' make a purchase of a block of votes.
And den dey can legislate a situation
Where dey rules ol' Christmas right out of de nation.
Dey can all get togedder and pass a law
Where dey ain't gonna be no Christmas no maw!.
HAMAN
I think that Legree's suggestion is a beaut.
IVAN
It's very cute.
HAMAN
And quite astute.
BORGIA
Mr. Chairman! Mr. Chairman!
MEPHISTO
Yes, Miss Borgia.
BORGIA
I think we should all give pause
to think about this Santa Claus.
He is the man behind the scenes,
The symbol of what Christmas means.
If we could rub him out, my friend,
Our troubles would be at an end.
Just think how it would tickle us
To liquidate St. Nicholas.
BORGIA
A girl like me could fascinate
The guy, and then, assassinate!
MEPHISTO
Do you think you could do it, pretty one?
Are you sure you wouldn't be by pity one?
BORGIA
Sometimes you are an awful tease,
My master, Mephistopheles.
Ain't I murdered several dozens?
Poisoned Uncles, Aunts and Cousins?
Don't my work right here in Hades
Make me first among the ladies?
Men of virtue all cuss me
I am sure that you can trust me.
HAMAN
Of that we haven't a particle of doubt, Miss Borgia,
I'm sure we all have nothin' but kind feelin's Towardja.
But many times a woman spy, alas, adores
her victims,
Dames make poor ambassadors.
BORGIA
Do you imply that such defects
are found inherent in my sex?
HAMAN
I do.
BORGIA
Well, listen here old ironsides,
You're headed for some cyanides.
You've crossed a Borgia,
And you know the consequences
That follow.
CAST
(WONDERMENT AT WHAT SHE MEANS.)
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS AS NEXT LINE BEGINS
MEPHISTO
Come, come disciples. This is very bad.
There's nothing to be gained by getting mad.
Suppose we put the matter to a vote.
All those in favor of the motion made by fiend Caligula, will signify by rising to their feet and saying "Aye"!
CALIGULA
Aye!
MEPHISTO
One vote in favor? Caligula's. And those opposed?
CAST
Opposed!
MEPHISTO
The motion is defeated.
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS ONCE.
MEPHISTO
Up we bring the plan of Brother Nero's; viz.,
To swing the hymns and pious music.
All those for will please respond by raising up a paw.
NERO
For!
MEPHISTO
And those against.
CAST
Against!
MEPHISTO
Very well.
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS ONCE.
MEPHISTO
Now, the project of Legree's.
Who is there here who totally agrees?
LEGREE
Ah do.
MEPHISTO
Legree votes for himself. And those opposed?
CAST
Opposed!
MEPHISTO
And now all those who favor Borgia's cause,
It being to eliminate Santa Claus.
CAST
Aye! Aye! Aye!
MEPHISTO
And those opposed?
(SILENCE)
MEPHISTO
It seems the women have a way with them,
At least they have carried the day with them.
BORGIA
You flatterer.
CAST
(LAUGHTER)
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS ONCE.
MEPHISTO
The motion is carried. And now we will decide
Which one of us will take Nick for a ride.
We'll all draw lots, and thus settle the moot
Point of who'll be sent to execute.
CAST
(MURMUR OF EXPECTATION, CONTINUE SOFTLY UNDER NEXT LINES.)
SOTTO VOCE
This is your old friend, sotto voce,
Visiting down where it's eternal noche.
Noche is Spanish for night, you know.
Merely a reference just to show
That English isn't all I have to go by.
Oh well, I guess I missed my calling.
I should have been a lobbyist.
You see, I'm stalling
To give them time to finish the voting.
Let's see, the weather. Now I'm quoting
The Daily Hellion: Continued heat
Both overhead and under feet.
Free and moderate gases blowing
Up to gale force and then going
North, by westerly.
Light showers of brimstone
For the evening hours.
That's what it says here.
I'm not fibbing. Ha-ha.
How am I doing with my ad-libbing?
This is a thing Bob Trout would have fun with.
Say, the drawing should soon be done with,
We expect the results any moment now
As soon as...
SFX: GAVEL POUNDS.
CAST
(DIN SUBSIDES)
MEPHISTO
The lots have been drawn
And I'm glad to say
The honor has fallen Nero's way!
CAST
(YELLS OF APPROVAL)
MEPHISTO
Now, Nero, you are charged with a great task,
It's the evilest deed that we could ask
A fiend to do.
We'll be proud of you.
NERO
Now just a moment.
How do I get there?
What do I wear?
NERO
Is it dry or wet there?
Is it fact or fancy or just word of mouth
That he lives at the pole ...
Is it North or South?
What should I use when it comes to the showdown
A gun or a dagger? So give me the lowdown.
MEPHISTO
Now, Nero, you needn't sound so tragic,
You'll get to earth by the blackest magic.
To create an express elevator
Is simple for an expert spell-creator.
With a lot of pyrotechnic dazzle
We'll let you off on a hill in Basel,
Switzerland.
From there you will make your way to the Arctic Circle
Then break your way through ice
with a blowtorch.
After a while, you're bound to reach
Santa's domicile.
And once you get there, ah, my dear Nero
All of our work will have gone for zero
If you don't succeed in your assignment.
NERO
I know. If at first we don't succeed
We can try and try again.
But there is no need because nothing will come of it
Meaning no offense, do you mind if I take my departure hence?
SFX: GONG
SOTTO VOCE
That, my friends, was a big brass gong.
It's used in this story right along
To indicate that we're about to travel
To points where the plot will further unravel.
And now, if Ambassador Nero elects
We'll have another spot of sound effects.
SFX: STRANGE, SCI-FI KIND OF SOUND BLENDING A MACHINE AND WIND AND THERAMIN-TYPE NOISES. PLAYS FOR 20 SECONDS AND THEN GIVES WAY TO A CRASH, FOLLOWED BY WIND ONLY UNDER THE FOLLOWING--
NERO
Tell me, stranger, is this Basel, Switzerland
Or is it already Donner and Blitzerland?
STRANGER 1
(CORRECTING) Donner and Blitzenland's 5000 miles away.
NERO
Thank you mister, and good day!
SFX: GONG. WIND CONTINUES.
NERO
Tell me stranger, I've been walking inland for weeks. Where am I now?
STRANGER 2
(SCANDINAVIAN ACCENT) In Finland.
SFX: GONG. WIND CONTINUES.
NERO
Tell me stranger, because I've lost stock, where am I now?
STRANGER 3
(RUSSIAN ACCENT) In Vladivostok.
SFX: GONG. WIND CONTINUES.
NERO
Listen stranger, after all these centuries of blistering heat
Now I have to suffer from freezing feet.
I'm wincing with pain from this pesky toe...
STRANGER 4
(ACCENT OF SOME KIND) No spik English. Eskimo.
SFX: GONG. WIND CONTINUE.
NERO
I declare by my phrenetic soul
I must be over the magnetic pole.
My watch has stopped..
Can that be right?
I wonder...
(Whispering) Ah ... a light
a light!
(Regular voice) In a moment now
You'll hear me knock on Santa's door,
And he'll unlock it, nevermore to lock again.
(EVIL LAUGH)
SFX: KNOCK ON DOOR. WIND CONTINUES.
SANTA
(FROM WAY INSIDE HOUSE) Coming!
NERO
So is doom! (LAUGHS)
SFX: DOOR OPENS. WIND CONTINUES.
SANTA
How do you do, sir.
NERO
Very well, indeed. And you sir?
SANTA
Splendidly. Won't you come right in?
SFX: DOOR CLOSES. WIND STOPS.
SANTA
Take your coat off. Isee your chin
Is frozen;
Also your hands and knees.
Sit down while I get you some anti-freeze.
NERO
Don't bother sir, I will not be long,
I'm about to perpetrate a fearful wrong.
In short, I am going to do away with...
SANTA
(Interrupting) Take it easy.
Do not play with that gun.
I know all about you.
NERO
Really?
SANTA
Haven't I had my agent's scout you for weeks?
You've come all this way to abolish Christmas
Now let me say...
NERO
Listen, Santa, I'm no callow stripling,
I've read Ernest Hemingway and Kipling.
And also "The Shooting of Dan McGrew,"
And plenty of detective stories, too.
And just to show you what broad guy I am
I've also read the Rubiyat of Omar Khayam.
Do you think that a fellow with his reading so graded
Could have learned so little as to be dissuaded
From the main objective?
Why, don't make me giggle.
SANTA
I'd feel a lot better if you didn't wiggle
That gun so.
Much as I'm impressed with your education
I honestly believe that a figure of your station
Should have given more thought to the ways of man
And less devotion to the cult of Pan.
NERO
By others, no doubt, your wisdom may be prized
But I didn't come here to be criticized.
In fact, I came to dispatch a duty
So don't hand me any of this tutti-frutti.
If you have any last words you want to say
Then spill 'em. I haven't got all day.
SANTA
What's the rush? Unless I've counted wrong
The polar day is always six-months long.
NERO
Well, after I've disposed of you I've got to hurry
Right back to hell, or they'll begin to worry.
SANTA
Not about you, but about your career in homicide.
Do you think the mere loss of you would make them hysterical?
Their only interest is numerical.
NERO
Think so?
SANTA
Mephisto wants to rule just as much of humanity
As possible, for reasons of personal vanity.
NERO
By the Styx! You're right! To think that he'd dare!...
Are there any ladies here? Will you permit me to swear?
SANTA
My answer to that is an emphatic no!
There are several lady dolls in the toy room below.
NERO
Oh, Claudius. Oh, Cassius. Oh, Naphthalene.
What a fool I've been. What a fool I've been!
But wait, I think I see what you're after,
You're as clever as a big time Roman grafter.
You remind me now of my royalty
Just to get me in a mood for disloyalty.
Do you think I could be that meanly deceptive
to Satan? Why, Santa, I'm keenly perceptive.
I can see right through all your clever ruses
Nero can be plenty foxy when he chooses.
I'll have you know that I'm partly a dreamer,
Partly a wit and partly a schemer.
I'm part philosophical and also part mystic...
SANTA
I suppose you fancy that you're highly artistic.
NERO
Fancy? Why I have such a sense of beauty...
SANTA
Don't hand me a helping of tutti-frutti.
Any creature who really had beauty in his soul
Would appreciate Christmas. He would know that the whole
Idea of the holiday was one of such power
That all the fiends below would gnash their fangs and glower
Yet, never in a million years cold do it harm
Because it has a glory, a greatness, a charm
You would know nothing about.
NERO
That so?
SANTA
The spirit that it venerates,
The good cheer that it generates
Are things far, far beyond you.
For all your wealth, no man on earth could sell ye these.
NERO
Am I so cursed as that? Will you tell me, please,
What beauties there may be that I have never seen?
SANTA
Have you ever seen
A Christmas tree, tall and green,
Smelling of woodlands,
Covered with a sheen
Of silveriness?
It's branches bending low
With the fruits of human kindness
Instead of snow?
NERO
No.
SANTA
Have you ever closely witnessed
What takes place any Christmas
Morning on a young child's face?
Or perceived any beauties
Purer than the joys
Distilled in the hearts of little girls and boys?
Have you ever watched a fire in a fireplace
On a Christmas Eve,
Or listened to grace
At a table heavy with fruits and cakes
And all the wonders that a kitchen makes?
Fowls and pastries, wines and meats,
And Nuts and raisins and candied sweets?
Have you ever seen mistletoe hanging from a ceiling?
In frosty air heard a far bell pealing?
Have you ever come back from a sleigh ride tingling
And your feet keeping time with the sleigh bells' jinglilng?
Have you ever seen the beauty of a sprig of holly,
Or felt for a moment how it feels to be jolly?
NERO
(AMAZED) Golly!
SANTA
Have you ever known how exceedingly pleasant
It is to unwrap a Christmas present?
Did you ever know how much cheer it lends
To be wished a Merry Christmas by all your friends?
Did you ever experience the fun of giving,
Do you know at all the joys of living?
NERO
(CONTRITE) I guess I don't.
For all of me I never knew such things
could be.
Just think how long in ignorance I've slept.
SANTA
It must have been the company you kept.
NERO
I was a wicked tyrant once, you know.
SANTA
Ah, yes, but that was centuries ago.
You really had no real way of knowing.,
NERO
Perhaps.
I guess that I'll be going.
I really should be getting on my way.
SANTA
But do you have to?
Don't you want to stay?
NERO
You see, I'm just a bit...
SANTA
Embarrassed?
NERO
Why, yes sir.
SANTA
Now, don't look so harassed.
I know why it is you came
And who it was that sent you.
But that's all done with.
I take it you repent you
Of all your past mistakes.
NERO
With many pains and aches
Of conscience.
SANTA
Then you are welcome here.
Please, take your hat off.
Your coat, your muffler also.
Take your spat off.
What happened to the other one?
No matter.
You're pretty thin. You'll presently be
Fatter.
I serve good food here,
I'll get you a platter
Of steak and mushrooms. Medium or rare?
I'll bet that you're hungry as a bear.
Now just sit down. That's it.
Right over here and tell me,
Will you have some wine or beer?
I never touch the stuff myself
But I manage to keep on hand
A little rye for purposes medicinal.
I mean, your chin should be unfrozen,
What a state it's in.
NERO
A while ago you asked me if understood
Good cheer.
I do so now, St. Nicholas,
I see it standing here.
I want to ask you something, sir,
Now please, don't give a yelp.
Is there any sort of work to do
Where I can be of help?
SANTA
Indeed there is. Indeed there is.
And I'm glad you asked me.
I have so many toys to make this year
The job's got past me.
But first, you sit and eat this bowl.
I've got a little trifle I'd like for you to see.
So will you sit right down here
And stifle
Your curiosity.
(WALKING AWAY) I'll get it for you right away,
It's down the hall a piece.
NERO
Well, who'd ever think it,
Will wonders never cease?
At last, after all these centuries,
I'm so happy I could buzz.
It shows you what a lot
A little Christmas Spirit does.
As Emperor I envied oft
The cheerfulness of peasants.
And now...
SANTA
(APPROACHING) Well, here it is, now,
Nero, my boy.
By way of Christmas presents
I offer you this little gift.
NERO
But Santa, for what reason?
SANTA
A very good one, sir. To whit:
Compliments of the season!
Well, go ahead, and open it.
Why stand there so, reflecting?
NERO
I'm just collecting
Thoughts, St. Nick,
My thoughts I'm just collecting.
Just think how far a tiny bit of fellowship
Will carry us.
Oh well!
SFX: PACKAGE BEING UNWRAPPED.
NERO
I say!
SANTA
Hmm?
NERO
What's this? What's this?
It is a Stradivarius!
Why, thank you! Thanks a million times.
I don't know what to say to you.
I'll tell you what I'll do, St. Nick,
I'll start right in and play for you.
I'll play, I'll play, I'll play, I'll play, I'll play
All night and day
For you.
SANTA
Fine. Now here's some music.
I'm sure you'll play it well.
It's a little piece entitled,
Noel, Noel.
MUSIC: VIOLIN PLAYING THE FIRST NOEL. CONTINUES UNDER NEXT PART.
SOTTO VOCE
This is I. Remember me?
Your Sotto Voce friend?
I've just come back
To tell you that
This story is at an end.
MUSIC: VIOLIN, LONG FADE OUT
ANNOUNCER
You have been listening to "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas" written, directed, and produced by Norman Corwin. House Jameson appeared as Santa Claus. Eric Burroughs as Nero, and Henry Morgan as the Narrator, Legree, and Ivan The Terrible. Others in the cast were Anne Shepherd, Kermit Murdock, Will Geer, Robert Dryden, Norman Ober, and Edward Cullen. Paul Winters was Nero's playing arm. The script of "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas"is found in the book Thirteen by Corwin.
MUSIC: RIR THEME FOR BREAK
HOST
You've just listened to "The Plot To Overthrow Christmas," part of "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. V," an episode of Re-Imagined Radio.
This is Re-Imagined Radio. A program about radio storytelling. Each episode explores how voice, music, and sound effects can engage your listening imagination and promote storytelling.
RIR TEASER
HOST
More information is available at our website, reimagined radio [dot] FM
MUSIC: RIR THEME, DUCK UNDER AND CONTINUE
HOST CREDITS
HOST
Re-Imagined Radio is produced in collaboration with The Electronic Literature Lab at Washington State University Vancouver.
Our programs are broadcast and streamed by partner community radio stations KXRW-FM (Vancouver, Washington), KXRY-FM (Portland, Oregon), and KNOM-AM (Nome, Alaska).
THANKS to Marc Rose for sound design, and post-production.
Holly Slocum and Evan Leyden for graphic designs.
Rylan Eisenhauer for announcing and YouTube strategies.
Caitlyn Kruger-Lesperance for social media strategies.
FOLLOW Re-Imagined Radio on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, X, Blue Sky, LinkedIn ... and our YouTube channel ... [at sign] reimaginedradio.
VISIT our website, reimaginedradio DOT FM, for scripts and information about our episodes.
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Re-Imagined Radio acknowledges the debt we owe to previous and contemporary radio artists and we hope our curation and stewardship of their artifacts and efforts demonstrates our sincerity.
I'm John Barber, producer and host. Thank you for listening.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
ANNOUNCER CLOSE
ANNOUNCER
This is a production of Re-Imagined Radio. To learn more, visit our website, reimaginedradio (all one word, no punctuation) DOT fm. 
Please join us for another episode of Re-Imagined Radio as we continue our exploration of sound-based storytelling.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, AND TO END.