A RADIO CHRISTMAS SAMPLER, VOL. 4

Curated and Produced by

John F. Barber

CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)
Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 4.0 International

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 12, Episode 12

Final draft

A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 4

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 12, Episode 12
Final Draft

Premier broadcast: December 16, 2024

Curated, Produced, Hosted by John F. Barber

Sound design, Music composition, Post-production by Marc Rose

Graphics by Holly Slocum

Synopsis
Samples three radio dramas to celebrate the Christmas holiday.

Credits
"The Return of St. Nick." This Is Your FBI. Episode #195. December 24, 1948.

"It's A Wonderful Life." Lux Radio Theatre. Episode #562. March 10, 1947. Starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and Victor Moore.

"A Christmas Carol." Richard Diamond, Private Detective. Episode #035. December 24, 1949. Starring Richard (Dick) Powell.

Color Code
Yellow highlighted text = sound effect(s), either pre-recorded or created for episode. Pre-recorded audio is used as content in this episode.

Magenta highlighted text with strike through = text deleted for episode timing

MUSIC = pre-recorded

MUSIC = bespoke, created for this episode

COLD OPEN
SFX: SAMPLE FROM "THIS IS YOUR FBI"
AGENT TAYLOR
Mr. Norton, I'm from the FBI. Here are my credentials.
KENNETH NORTON
What do you want here?
TAYLOR
I came up here to ask you to come back to the settlement house.
NORTON
I'm sorry, but I don't think that's any of your business.
TAYLOR
And . . . you're quite right, sir, it isn't. But may I ask you a question?
NORTON
What is it?
TAYLOR
Why did you leave?
NORTON
I got tired of listening to all those kids yelling and screaming in my ear.
TAYLOR
I find it pretty difficult to believe, sir, that anyone who spent 30 years with children as you have would suddenly get to dislike them that much.
NORTON
Well, maybe that's not the reason. Maybe I've got reasons of my own that I don't want to talk about.
TAYLOR
Could it possibly be because of your sister?
NORTON
Who told you that?
TAYLOR
Oh, I'm sorry if I seem to have pried into your affairs, but I've been to see your sister.
NORTON
What for?
TAYLOR
I went there because I was trying to find you. Uh, she told me about that check for $10,000.
NORTON
She did?
NORTON
Yes, and with the aid of the FBI laboratory, we showed your sister that you didn't forge your name. Mr. Bryant was the guilty one.
NORTON
What did you say?
TAYLOR
I said Mr. Bryant was the one who forged that check.
NORTON
How do you know that?
TAYLOR
Well, hand-writing analysis proved it.
NORTON
You told this to my sister?
TAYLOR
Yes.
NORTON
Did she believe you?
TAYLOR
Yes. She did, and she'd like to see you. She'd like to try to make amends. I asked her to come to the settlement house tonight.
NORTON
I don't want to see her.
TAYLOR
Oh, now, Mr. Norton. Look, it's Christmas Eve. This is no time to feel that way.
NORTON
If she's coming to the settlement house, I won't go back there.
TAYLOR
Now, look, Mr. Norton, you're not going to let all of those kids down. Now, come on, put on your coat. If we hurry we can get there for the beginning of the party.
MUSIC: UPBEAT, FOR A TRANSITION
NORTON
Hey, it started to snow just in time. The kids will be happy. Makes it seem more like Christmas when it snows.
TAYLOR
Sure does.
NORTON
Aye, here we are.
TAYLOR
Right, Mr. Norton.
NORTON
Yeah, there you go.
NORTON
Ahem, a little late. I suppose the party's already started.
TAYLOR
Yes, I think so.
NORTON
I'd better hurry upstairs and get into my Santa Claus suit.
TAYLOR
Oh, it's in Mr. Williams' office. He told me to bring you right in.
NORTON
Oh, fine.
TAYLOR
Go ahead in, sir. I'll wait for you out here.
NORTON
Yes, thank you.
GRACE
Hello, Kenneth.
NORTON
Grace.
GRACE
Mr. Taylor was kind enough to invite me to the party.
NORTON
I know.
GRACE
You haven't changed much, Ken. (BEGINS CRYING)
NORTON
Grace.
GRACE
I'm so ashamed.
NORTON
Oh, there. There now.
GRACE
All these years. I falsely accused you.
NORTON
Let's forget it, Grace. It's all in the past.
GRACE
Can you ever forgive me?
NORTON
Oh, I already have. Oh, Grace, this is no time for crying, Grace. Here's a hanky. Dry your eyes.
GRACE
Thank you.
NORTON
And now, help me on with this costume, will you?
GRACE
Why, it's a Santa Claus suit.
NORTON
Yep, and this is my annual job 'round here.
GRACE
Oh, wonderful.
NORTON
I got to really hurry, too. The party's already started. Will you hand me that wig and beard?
GRACE
Surely, here you are.
SFX: BOYS SINGING IN ANOTHER ROOM
NORTON
The boys are starting to sing.
GRACE
Yes.
NORTON
I'd better be getting out there. Well, will you join me at the party, Grace?
GRACE
Of course.
NORTON
Come along.
SFX: SINGING UP
TAYLOR
The boys are waiting for you, Mr. Norton.
NORTON
I know.
TAYLOR
Merry Christmas, sir.
NORTON
Merry Christmas, Mr. Taylor.
MUSIC: AS TRANSITION TO . . .

THEME AND ANNOUNCER
MUSIC: RIR THEME
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Re-Imagined Radio, a program about radio storytelling. With each episode we explore how dialogue, sound effects, and music can combine to promote storytelling and engage your listening imagination. Here to tell you about THIS episode is John Barber, producer and host.
HOST OPEN
HOST
Hello everyone. And welcome to our holiday episode where we sample from different radio stories to share the Christmas Spirit.
You just heard "The Return of St. Nick." The Christmas Eve 1948 episode of This Is Your FBI.
Casey Harris, as Special Agent Jim Taylor, solves a forgery case that for years has estranged a brother and sister. They are reunited just in time for the Christmas Eve party at a children's home.
For more information, and the episode script, visit our website, reimaginedradio dot fm.
Thank you for listening as Re-Imagined Radio presents "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 4."
MUSIC: RIR THEME. FADE ENDING DOWN AND OUT WITH THE FOLLOWING.
HOST
If you're following with the episode script, available at our website, reimaginedradio dot FM, you'll know that next, we listen to samples from "It's A Wonderful Life" starring James Stewart, Donna Reed, and Victor Moore, first broadcast March 10, 1947 by the Lux Radio Theatre.
The Superintendent of Angels is sending an apprentice Angel, Clarence, to Earth to save George Bailey, a very discouraged man contemplating ending his life. Bailey is voiced by James Stewart. We begin with Clarence, voiced by Victor Moore, negotiating his mission.
SAMPLE #1: LUX RADIO THEATRE, "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE."
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
CLARENCE
Sir . . . if . . . Ahh . . . I should accomplish my mission . . . may I perhaps get my wings? I've been waiting over two hundred years now, and well, people are beginning to talk.
JOSEPH
He's at the river now. On the bridge now. Looking at that water. Are you ready, Clarence.
GEORGE
All ready sir.
JOSEPH
Very well . . . save George Bailey's live, and you'll get your wings.
CLARENCE
My wings! Oh, thank you Joseph. (OFF, TO GEORGE) George? George Bailey! Get away from that bridge!! Do you hear me? George! George!!!
MUSIC: TRANSITION
CLARENCE
(OFF) Help! Help, I'm drowning! Help! Help!
BRIDGE KEEPER
You both sure you're all right? Want a doctor?
GEORGE
No, I'm all right.
CLARENCE
Oh, I'm fine
GEORGE
Hey . . . Ah-h . . . How'd you happen to fall in?
CLARENCE
Oh, I jumped in to save you.
GEORGE
Jumped in to save me?
CLARENCE
Well I, I did, didn't I?
GEORGE
Oh, that's very funny, very funny . . .
CLARENCE
Your . . . your lip's bleeding.
GEORGE
Yeah, I got a bust in the jaw in answer to a prayer.
CLARENCE
Oh no, George. I'm the answer to your prayer!
GEORGE
How'd you know my name?
CLARENCE
Oh, I know all about you.
GEORGE
Who are you supposed to be anyway?
CLARENCE
Clarence Oddbody, A-S-2.
GEORGE
Clarence Oddbody. What's that A-S-2 for?
CLARENCE
Angel, Second Class.
GEORGE
Well why'd you want to save me?
CLARENCE
Because I'm your guardian angel, George.
GEORGE
Oh I see, uh-huh. Well, you look like about the kind of angel I'd get! What happened to your wings?
CLARENCE
I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an Angel Second Class.
GEORGE
Oh, I see . . .
CLARENCE
But you can help me earn them, George, by letting me help you.
GEORGE
Oh, uh-huh. You don't happen to have eight thousand bucks on you, do you?
CLARENCE
Oh, no, no. We don't use money in Heaven!
GEORGE
Oh, that's right, yeah, I keep forgetting. (BEAT) Comes in pretty handy down here, bub. You know, I'm worth more dead than alive!
CLARENCE
You mustn't talk like that. Joseph will never give me my wings if you keep feeling that way. You just don't realize what you've done for your folks. Why, if it hadn't been for you . . .
GEORGE
Yeah if it hadn't been for me, everybody'd be better off! My wife, and my kids and my friends . . .
CLARENCE
Ohhhh, this is not going to be easy.
GEORGE
They'd all have been better off if I hadn't been born.
CLARENCE
What'd you say?
GEORGE
I said, I wish I'd never been born!
CLARENCE
George, that's wonderful.
GEORGE
Wonderful? What?
CLARENCE
The idea you just gave me. Well, you got your wish. You've never been born.
GEORGE
I've never been born?
CLARENCE
Exactly. No worries, no eight thousand dollars to get. Nothing. You simply don't exist.
GEORGE
All right, all right, okay, all right . . .
CLARENCE
George, I can do things. Strange things. I can show you the world, George. The way it would be if you hadn't been born.
CLARENCE
Don't you see? You're not the George Bailey you think you are. You're . . . well, you're nobody.
GEORGE
Yeah-yeah . . . Hey, what's happening around here? What is this, anyway? I need a drink, that's what I need! What about you angel, you want a drink?
CLARENCE
Well, I don't quite know . . .
GEORGE
C'mon, c'mon, we'll go as soon as our clothes are dry . . .
CLARENCE
. . . Our clothes are dry, George.
GEORGE
Hey, so they are, that's funny. Well, look, let's get dressed and we'll stroll over to Martini's and then . . . oh, excuse me, I meant I'll stroll, you fly.
CLARENCE
Ha, no, no, I don't have my wings . . .
GEORGE
(WITH HIM) You don't have your wings yet. That's right, I forgot that again. Couple of drinks and we'll both fly.
SFX: INTERIOR. BAR SOUNDS.
NICK
What'll ya have fellas?
GEORGE
Hey, where's the boss? Where's Martini?
NICK
Look, wiseguy, I'm the boss, see?
GEORGE
Okay . . . well, double scotch. Quick, willya?
NICK
What's yours?
CLARENCE
You know what I would just love . . . some mulled wine.
NICK
Huh?
CLARENCE
Heavy on the cinnamon and light on the cloves. Off with you, my lad, and lively now!
NICK
Now cut it out!
GEORGE
Oh come on here . . . just give him the same as my order. He's okay.
NICK
Nnh. Two double scotches.
GEORGE
What about this place? It's all changed!
CLARENCE
All of Bedford Falls has changed. You're having your wish, George, you've never been born. Oh, there'll be lots of things you've never seen before . . .
SFX: CASH REGISTER BELL RINGS
CLARENCE
Oh good. Somebody's just made it.
GEORGE
Made what?
CLARENCE
Everytime a bell rings, it means some angel's got his wings.
NICK
What'd you say?
GEORGE
Uh, look, uh, Clarence, I don't think you'd better talk about angels around here . . .
CLARENCE
Don't they believe in angels?
GEORGE
Oh, yeah, they believe in them, but . . . you know, it's just, uh . . .
CLARENCE
 . . . Then why should they be surprised when they see one?
GEORGE
(TO NICK) Don't mind him, bartender. He's just a little fella that never grew up. How old are you, anyway, Clarence?
CLARENCE
Well, next May I'll be two hundred and ninety-three.
NICK
That does it! A couple of pixies, eh? Go, get, you hear me? Get!
GEORGE
Look, where's Martini? Will you call him . . .
NICK
Stop askin' about Martini! He ain't here and he . . . (YELLING OFF MIC) . . . Hey you! Rummy! Didn't I tell you never to come panhandling around here?!?
CLARENCE
George . . . look . . .
GEORGE
Hey, it's Mr. Gower! Mr. Gower! Listen, Mr. Gower don't you know me? This is George Bailey!
GOWER
You . . . you buy me a drink, mister? Just one drink, willya, mister?
NICK
Pinky?
PINKY
Yeah, Nick?
NICK
Throw the rummy out!
GOWER
Oh, no, no please . . .
GEORGE
Hey, bartender that . . . that's Mr. Gower, the druggist!!
NICK
That rumhead spent twenty years in jail for poisoning some kid. If you know him, you must be a jailbird yourself. (TO PINKY, YELLING OFF MIC) Pinky! Here's two more . . . get'em outta here! (FADES)
CLARENCE
Get up, George. Good thing he threw us in this snow bank, eh?
GEORGE
Where's Mr. Gower?
CLARENCE
Mr. Gower doesn't know you, George. You see, you weren't there to stop him from putting poison into that prescription . . .
GEORGE
What do you mean, I wasn't there? Look . . . tell me, what are you . . . a hypnotist?
CLARENCE
George . . .
GEORGE
. . . Well, why am I seeing all these strange things?
CLARENCE
Don't you understand? It's because you were not born.
GEORGE
Then if I wasn't born, who am I?
CLARENCE
Nobody. You have no identity.
GEORGE
What do you mean, "no identity"?
CLARENCE
No papers, no driver's license, no 4-F card, no insurance policy . . .
GEORGE
Zuzu's bell.
CLARENCE
What?
GEORGE
Zuzu's bell. I bought my little girl a bell to hang on the Christmas tree and I forgot to give it to her and I got it in m-my (SEARCHING FOR IT) It's gone. It's gone too. Everything is gone . . .
CLARENCE
But you've been given a great gift, George. A chance to see what the world would be like if you'd never been born.
GEORGE
You're crazy. You're crazy as a bedbug and you're driving me crazy too! Now look, I'm going home to my wife and family, do you understand that? And I'm going home alone!!
MUSIC: HEAVEN THEME
JOSEPH
Better not leave him alone, Clarence . . . keep following him.
CLARENCE
Joseph! Oh, I'll stay near him, sir. Poor George, he's seeing Main Street now, the way it would be if he hadn't lived. The thing that's really shocked him, sir, is the Building and Loan office. Know what's there now? A pawnshop.
JOSEPH
What's he doing? Can you see?
CLARENCE
He's talking to Ernie Bishop, the taxi driver. He wants to go home.
JOSEPH
You'd better tag along, Clarence.
CLARENCE
Oh, I will sir. I will.
MUSIC: OUT
SFX: CAR RUNNING
GEORGE
C'mon, step on it, Ernie, get me home. I'm off my nut!
ERNIE
(A MUCH HARDER ERNIE) Where do you live, buddy?
GEORGE
Aw, doggone it, Ernie, don't you start pulling that stuff on me. Three-twenty-three Sycamore.
ERNIE
Three-twenty-three Sycamore?
GEORGE
Yeah . . . yeah . . . hurry up. Zuzu's sick.
ERNIE
Okay, buddy . . .
GEORGE
Hey look, Ernie, I don't know what's happening I'm goin' crazy or something. I've got some bad liquor . . . Now look, tell me this now, you're Ernie Bishop, right? And you live with your wife and kid down in. . .
ERNIE
. . . You seen my wife?
GEORGE
What'ya . . .? Seen your wife? I've been to your house a hundred times! We built it for you, didn't we?
ERNIE
Look, bud, my wife took the kid and ran away five years ago and I ain't seen you before in my life, see?
GEORGE
Okay, Ernie, okay. Just step on it. Get me home.
MUSIC: TRANSITION
GEORGE
Mary! Mary, where are you!? Janie! Petey! Zuzu! Zuzu! Where are you?
CLARENCE
This is just an old abandoned house, George. You have no wife. No children.
GEORGE
Where are they? What have you done with them?
ERNIE
(OFF, TO BERT) There you are, Bert . . . crazy just like I told ya!
BERT
All right, up with your hands!
GEORGE
Oh, Bert! Bert the cop, thank heaven you're here!!
BERT
Now look, why don't you be a good fella and I'll take you to a doctor.
GEORGE
Bert . . . Now, Bert, listen to me. What's the matter with you guys? Now listen . . . it's that fellow there . . . he says he's an angel . . . he tried to hypnotize me!!
BERT
I hate to use my nightstick, but I guess I . . . OWWWW!!!
CLARENCE
Run George . . . run! He can't hit you while I'm biting him!!
BERT
OWWW!!!!!!
CLARENCE
George, run! My teeth aren't what they used to be! Joseph, help!! Joseph!! Joseph!!!
BERT
Where'd they go, Ernie? Where'd they go?
MUSIC: UNDER NEXT LINES . . . BECOMES HEAVENLY
ERNIE
I . . . I don't know! They just disappeared!!
JOSEPH
Clarence!
CLARENCE
Oh, Joseph, I hope you don't mind my calling on you like I did.
JOSEPH
It was very irregular, Clarence. You're by yourself again . . . where's George?
CLARENCE
He's at his mother's house, sir.
JOSEPH
Well, if George hasn't been born, he has no mother.
CLARENCE
Oh, he's being very stubborn, sir. He'll just have to find these things out for himself.
JOSEPH
But his mother! That's a terribly bitter blow to a man; his own mother not knowing him.
CLARENCE
You mean I shouldn't have let him . . .
JOSEPH
. . . I mean you'd better find him right away. Oh, and stop biting policemen, Clarence!
MUSIC: OUT
CLARENCE
I'm here again, George.
GEORGE
My mother . . . my own mother didn't know me! If only Harry were here. If my brother were only back from Washington.
CLARENCE
Your brother fell through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine.
GEORGE
That's a lie! He got the Congressional Medal Of Honor . . . he saved the lives of every man on that transport!
CLARENCE
Every man on that transport died. Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. Harry wasn't there to save them because you weren't there to save Harry. Don't you see, George? You really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?
GEORGE
Clarence . . .
CLARENCE
Yes?
GEORGE
Where's Mary? Please, where's my wife?
CLARENCE
I, uh . . . I'm not supposed to tell.
GEORGE
Tell me where she is.
CLARENCE
You're not going to like it, George.
GEORGE
Where is she? I'll choke it out of you if I have to! Where's my wife?
CLARENCE
The library. She works there. She's just about to lock up for night. So, I, uh- George! George, come back! Ohhhh, there must be some easier way for me to get my wings.
SFX: TRAFFIC SOUNDS
GEORGE
Mary! Mary!!
MARY
I'm sorry, the library is closed.
GEORGE
Mary, it's George! Don't you know me?
MARY
No, I don't know you . . . let me go!
GEORGE
Mary, please don't do this to me! Please, Mary, help me!! Where's our kids? I need you, Mary!! Help me, Mary . . .
MARY
Get away from me! Help!! Help1
GEORGE
Help me, Mary!!! Mary, I'm George
MARY
(SHRIEKS)
MUSIC: CRISIS
JOSEPH
Clarence . . .
CLARENCE
Oh where is he, Joseph? Where's George? I'm afraid I've lost him, sir!
JOSEPH
You knew you shouldn't have let him try to see Mary. Now they're after him . . . "a mob! They think he was trying to hurt her!
CLARENCE
Joseph, I won't even get one wing, will I?
JOSEPH
You have one more chance, Clarence. Get over to the bridge by the river. I think George has seen just about enough!
CLARENCE
But . . . but the mob!
JOSEPH
Don't worry. They've lost him, too. Now hurry up!
CLARENCE
Oh thank you, Joseph! Thank you!
MUSIC: OUT
GEORGE
Clarence . . . Clarence! Clarence! Where are you?
CLARENCE
I'm here, George.
GEORGE
Help me, Clarence. Get me back. I don't care what happens to me. Only get me back to my wife and kids, please. I want to live again!
CLARENCE
Oh thank you, George. Thank you, Lord!
GEORGE
I want to live again, please. Oh God, please, let me live again!
BERT
(FROM OFF MIC) George? Is that you down there, George?
GEORGE
Now get out of here, Bert! Get out of here! You get any closer and I'll let you have it . . .
BERT
What the Sam Hill you yelling for, George??
GEORGE
C'mon . . . George? George . . . Bert, Bert do you know me??
BERT
Know you? I've been looking all over town for you. Where you been?
GEORGE
Bert . . . Bert . . . I'm alive again, Bert!
BERT
You sure you're all right? Hey, your mouth's bleedin'!
GEORGE
It is? Hey . . . my mouth's bleeding! Bert, look at the blood comin' out of there, wouldya? Zuzu's Christmas bell, Bert, I had it in my pocket . . .
GEORGE
Here it is! Hey it's in my pocket! What do you know about that? Hey, Merry Christmas, Bert!!
SFX: BELL RINGING
BERT
Well, Merry Christmas. Get in the car; I'll drive you home.
GEORGE
You will, Bert? Well do that and turn the siren wide open, huh? Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls!! Merry Christmas, old Building and Loan! Merry Christmas Mr. Potter! Yippee!! (FADE OUT)
GEORGE
C'mon! Hey, Bert, c'mon in with me, huh?
SFX: FOOTSTEPS/DOOR OPENING-CLOSING
GEORGE
Wha . . . What's with all these people? These reporters, wh . . .? Well, Merry Christmas, reporters! Hey, Mr. Bank Examiner, Merry Christmas!
CARTER
Mr. Bailey, there's a deficit!
GEORGE
I know. Eight thousand dollars I'll bet, huh?
SHERIFF
George, I've got a little paper here, I'm sorry . . .
GEORGE
I'll bet it's a warrant for my arrest, isn't that wonderful? Merry Christmas! . . . Hey, where's Mary? You know? Oh, look at this wonderful, old, drafty house! Isn't it won . . . Have you seen my wife? Where's Mary??
CHILDREN'S VOICES
Merry Christmas, Daddy! Merry Christmas, Daddy!!
GEORGE
Kids! Hey, kids!! Janie! Petey! Ohh, I could eat you up!! Where's your mother??
JANIE
She went looking for you, daddy, with Uncle Billy.
ZUZU
Daddy!
GEORGE
Zuzu? Zuzu! My little gingersnap!! How do you feel?
ZUZU
Fine, Daddy. Not a smidge of temperature!
GEORGE
Not a smidge of temp . . . Hallelujah!
MARY
George! Darling!
JANIE
It's Mommy! Mommy's home!!
GEORGE
Mary!
MARY
George, darling! Where have you been? Oh, George, George, George . . .
GEORGE
Mary! Oh, Mary! Just let me touch you! Oh, you're real! Oh, you have no idea what's happened to me.
MARY
You have no idea what's happened either. They're on their way here!
GEORGE
Who? Who's on their way? Oh, the police department? The FBI? The National Guard? I'm alive again, Mary!! Oh, listen, Mary, I'm alive again . . .
MARY
Oh yes, darling, yes. Now, close your eyes and come on downstairs (FADE OUT).
GEORGE
(FADE IN) Wha . . . What is it? Can I open my eyes yet, Mary? What's going on here . . .
MARY
Now keep your eyes closed! I'll just walk you over here, by the Christmas tree.
GEORGE
There's people . . . I hear lots of people . . . what is it?
MARY
Just one minute now. We're all ready, Uncle Billy! Come in, everybody!!
CROWD
Hooray!
UNCLE BILLY
George! Look . . . just look!
GEORGE
Uncle Billy?!
UNCLE BILLY
Money, George! A laundry basket filled with money! Money for you! Mary did it, George! Mary!
GEORGE
I don't understand? What money?
MARY
People heard you were in trouble, darling. These people, your friends! They've collected this money for you! The eight thousand dollars!
GEORGE
Charlie? Wait, there's Martini . . . and Mr. Gower! Hey, how are you, Mr. Gower?? Mrs. Thompson . . . Ed . . . Tom . . . everybody.
ERNIE
None of us would have a roof over our heads if it wasn't for you, George!
CROWD
(AD LIBBING) That's right! You said it!
GEORGE
Gosh, this is wonderful! Hey, Mary, look! Look who's coming in! Mother! Hi, Mother! Hey . . . and Harry!
HARRY
Got Mary's telegraph, George! I flew in as fast as I could . . .
ERNIE
Hey hey, everybody, a toast! How about a toast!
HARRY
Good idea, Ernie! A toast . . . to my big brother, George. The richest man in town!
CROWD
Hooray!
SFX: CROWD BEGINS SINGING "AULD LANG SYNE"
ZUZU
Daddy, my Christmas bell . . . You didn't forget?
GEORGE
Forget? Here, honey, here's your bell!
ZUZU
(WITH LOVE) Daddy!
SFX: BELL RINGING
MARY
Darling, what's this on the table here? What's this book?
GEORGE
(CHUCKLING) "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer".
MARY
Well, look, there's something written in it . . .
GEORGE
(READING) "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings. Love, Clarence."
MARY
Clarence?
GEORGE
Yep, he's a very dear friend of mine.
SFX: BELL RINGING
ZUZU
Daddy, Mrs. Welsh says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings!
GEORGE
That's right, Zuzu . . . that's right! That's right! Attaboy, Clarence! Attaboy, Clarence! Happy landings!
MUSIC: OLD LANG SYNE
SFX: APPLAUSE. CROSS FADE TO . . .
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
HOST CONCLUSION (ACT #1)
HOST
This is Re-Imagined Radio. Our episode is A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 4.
We just listened to "It's A Wonderful Life," a 1947 episode of Lux Radio Theatre noted for its radio adaptations of top Hollywood motion pictures, often starring the original actors.
This is the case with "It's A Wonderful Life." The cast from the motion picture, Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and Victor Moore, all reprise their parts for this radio production.
For more information, visit the episode page at our website, reimaginedradio dot FM.
MUSIC: RIR THEME FOR BREAK
THE FUSEBOX BREAK
HOST
If you're looking for a podcast let me help you cut through the clutter by suggesting you listen to "The Fusebox Show," produced by Marc Rose.
Each episode features Marc's unique conversation and commentary about current events and news. Here's a sample.
SFX: THE FUSEBOX SHOW TEASER 
HOST
Learn more, and subscribe to the podcast at The Fusebox Show website, thefuseboxshow dot com.
MUSIC: RIR THEME, FADE UNDER AND OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING
HOST INTRODUCTION
HOST
This is Re-Imagined Radio. Our episode is "A Radio Christmas Sampler, Vol. 4."
Every year since 2013 we have presented some form of "A Christmas Carol," the beloved holiday story by Mr. Charles Dickens.
This year we offer a retelling from an unlikely source: The Christmas Eve 1949 episode of "Richard Diamond, Private Detective" starring Richard Powell.
This one is an interesting adaptation. Powell whistles at the beginning, and sings at the close. In between the regular cast of this hard-boiled detective series bring kindness, warmth, and humor to their telling of this classic story.
Let's listen now to "A Christmas Carol" featuring Richard Powell as the narrator and the cast of the "Richard Diamond, Private Detective" radio series voicing the other characters.
SAMPLE #2, RICHARD DIAMOND PRIVATE DETECTIVE-"A RADIO CHRISTMAS CAROL."
MUSIC: EPISODE OPENING
DIAMOND
Hello there, this is Diamond. Well, it's Christmas Eve, and every year about this time my business takes a big nosedive. People usually pack up their troubles and start unpacking colored lights and Christmas tree ornaments.
So tonight, instead of telling you about one of my hair-raising exploits, we're going to tell you a Christmas story.
So, with apologies to Mr. Charles Dickens, we'd like to bring you an adaptation of one of his most famous stories, A Christmas Carol.
Now, I'd better explain something first. This version isn't exactly the way you heard it many times before, because the particular type of characters I usually get mixed up with . . . This story is written to fit their talents and characteristics. Different from the Dickens original, certainly, but we feel that this story could easily happen today, anywhere. Like maybe right here in New York, on a little side street just off the Bowery.
So now I'd like to introduce our characters. Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge will be played by my good friend and guiding hand of the 5th Precinct Homicide Division.
SCROOGE
Lieutenant Walter Levenson.
OTIS
Walter?
SCROOGE
Otis.
DIAMOND
(CLEARS THROAT TO GET THEIR ATTENTION) The character of Jacob Marley will be played by one of my dearest friends and constant companions.
SCROOGE
Otis, that's you.
MARLEY
Ehh? Oh, Sergeant Otis Loveloon.
WALSH
Loveloon. (LAUGHS)
HELEN
(ADMONISHING) Walsh!
WALSH
Oh, sorry, Helen.
DIAMOND
Ahh, Tiny Tim will be played by our corner newsboy.
NEWSBOY
Johnny Rollins
DIAMOND
Tiny Tim's Mother will be played by my red-headed gal friend.
HELEN
Helen Ascher.
DIAMOND
The rest of the characters will be played by members of the 5th Precinct Police Station.
VARIOUS VOICES
Officer O'Reilly.
Officer Lund.
Officer Lefkowitz.
Sergeant Miller.
(LAUGHTER)
DIAMOND
The music will be furnished by the 5th Precinct Police Band, directed by Patrolman Worth And now, our version of the Christmas classic . . . Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."
MUSIC: JAUNTY CHRISTMAS MUSIC
DIAMOND
Once upon a time, there was a nasty old guy named Ebenezer Scrooge. He was a nasty, all right. He didn't like anything. Except maybe all the dough he could get his hands on. Scrooge had a little business that he started with his partner, Jacob Marley. The outfit was known as Scrooge and Marley Loan Company. But one day, poor old Marley just up and keeled over. So the boys along the big street gave him a nice funeral, and old Scrooge took over the business.
Well, Marley had been dead for seven years and Scrooge lived alone in his little room over the office, and for a hobby, he hated everybody.
He had a young guy working for him by the name of Bob Cratchit. Bob had a wife and four kids and made just enough to make ends meet. Scrooge used to ride him all the time. When it got so cold the polar bears complained, Cratchit would turn on the little heater, and Scrooge would say . . .
SCROOGE
Cratchit, what do you think you're doing?
CRATCHIT
Turning on the heat, that's what I'm doing. My fingers look like popsicles.
SCROOGE
Well, I don't care if they come in six delicious flavors. Every time you turn on that heater, it costs me money. Business is not good, so get back to your work and turn off the heat.
CRATCHIT
Oh, now look, Mr. Scrooge, I'm freezing. Now, this pen ain't guaranteed to write under ice.
SCROOGE
I tell you once more, get back to your work.
CRATCHIT
Okay, Mr. Scrooge. I don't know why you worry about business. Why don't I just put up a sign? Turn the joint into a skating rink.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
DIAMOND
Now, this was no time for any decent guy to act like that. It was Christmas Eve. Along about 5 o'clock, into the office came Scrooge's nephew, Fred.
FRED
Well, Merry Christmas, Bob.
CRATCHIT
Ahh, Merry Christmas, Fred.
SCROOGE
You get back to your work, Cratchit.
CRATCHIT
Okay. Yeah.
FRED
Well, uh, Merry Christmas, Uncle.
SCROOGE
Oh, swear. Merry Christmas. Uh, humbug.
FRED
Humbug?
SCROOGE
Yeah, humbug. My old man didn't like Christmas, and that's what he used to say. Humbug.
FRED
Okay, humbug. But it's still Christmas, and I don't see where you get off not liking it. This is supposed to be the time everybody gets with it. Everything stops, it ain't much good, and you put your arm around the next guy, you tell him, "Merry Christmas."
SCROOGE
I'll put my arm around you with a hammer on the end of it if you don't lay off that goodwill stuff.
FRED
Look, what's with you? What have you got against Christmas?
SCROOGE
You show me a way to make a hundred bucks every Christmas, and I'll fall in love with it. Every time the holidays roll around, nobody pays their bills, They all run around like they own the Chrysler Building. Look at you. Sixty bucks a week and you're coming on like Rockefeller.
FRED
Well, sure I make a lousy sixty bucks, but it ain't easy. But once a year something happens with everybody in this big world. Well, nearly everybody.
SCROOGE
(SIGHS)
FRED
Because this is a day that somebody else started to make things right for us, and he had a really tough time doing it. It's more than just rememberin'. It's feelin'. It's all around you. Christmas has got to be merry, don't you get it?
SCROOGE
You want me to be merry?
FRED
Well, sure.
SCROOGE
Then go get some of these joyous clients of mine to pay off their loans.
FRED
The missus asked me to invite you over for dinner tomorrow.
SCROOGE
Now, don't hold your breath.
FRED
Okay . . . Merry Christmas, Bob.
CRATCHIT
Merry Christmas, Fred.
FRED
Merry Christmas, Uncle.
SCROOGE
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Ahhh . . . Humbug.
DIAMOND
Late that evening, Scrooge went upstairs to his room, the room where Jacob Marley used to stay. It was dark in the little hall, and when Scrooge reached for the door, he looked up at the big brass knocker and saw . . .
MUSIC: STINGER
SCROOGE
Ahhh! Holy cow! I could have sworn that was old Jake's face in the knocker. I must be working too hard.
DIAMOND
So in he went. A little shaky after seeing Jake Marley's face, but he just passed it off as nerves. He closed the door and locked it. Then went over and sat down in front of the fireplace. He got a fire going and started to relax. But every tile around the fireplace started looking like Jake Marley's face.
SCROOGE
Oh, now, come on there old boy, you've got to get hold of yourself. This is ridiculous, and I haven't touched a drop in weeks.
DIAMOND
He got up and walked around the room a few times, then went back and sat down again. He stretched, rested his head on the back of the chair. From somewhere, a bell started chiming, and Scrooge sat straight up in his chair. He heard something else, too. Something from downstairs.
SFX: CHAIN DRAGGING ON WOOD FLOOR
SCROOGE
What the . . . Oh, now, what is that? What's going on? Who's that? Come on, who's out there?
DIAMOND
Then all of a sudden it came right through the wall.
SFX: A CRASH THROUGH THE WALL
SCROOGE
Marley! Jake, Marley! Oh, no, no! I got to stop eating lobster. Oh, it couldn't be. Hey, what's with you? Who are you?
MARLEY
Jake Marley. Who else?
SCROOGE
You're dead.
MARLEY
The deadest. But nevertheless, Jake Marley.
SCROOGE
His ghost.
MARLEY
You're very sharp today, Scrooge, old boy.
SCROOGE
I don't believe it.
MARLEY
You got eyes, ain't you?
SCROOGE
Yeah, and I got a bad stomach, too. That's who you are. Nothing but a bad case of indigestion.
MARLEY
You don't think I'm a ghost, huh? Okay, maybe a good scare will change your mind. Whoa!
SCROOGE
Oh, no, no, no, no. Stay away from me, I believe ya.
MARLEY
Sold on the idea?
SCROOGE
Yeah, yeah, but why do you got to come to see me?
MARLEY
Regulation. Every man is supposed to live his life and help his buddies. If he don't do it while he's alive, then he's got to do it after he kicks off.
SCROOGE
Ohhhhh! Now stop that! Hey, what's with all those chains and things you got wrapped around you?
MARLEY
Oh, these? Well, this here chain is like my life. Each one of these links is something I did wrong.
SCROOGE
But why do you have to haul it around with you? Why don't you check it someplace?
MARLEY
Scrooge, old boy. When we was in business together, I never took time out to do any good. I just kept makin' a buck and figured that was enough. Well, now I got to pay for it. I got to haul this chain around and try to make up for all the things I didn't do when I was alive.
SCROOGE
But why come to me?
MARLEY
Because you're gonna end up just like me, unless we do something in a hurry. Now, I haven't got much time, so you better listen.
SCROOGE
I don't want to be like you. I'll listen.
MARLEY
Okay. You're going to have three visitors. You're going to be haunted by three spirits.
SCROOGE
Oh, no.
MARLEY
It's the only way you can keep from being like me. When you hear that bell strike one, the first one will be here. Well, I got to be going. You won't see me again. But you remember what I told you. (FADING AWAY) So long, Scrooge, old boy. Your goose bumps can relax now.
DIAMOND
After the ghost took off, Scrooge just refused to believe it.
SCROOGE
I'm nuts. It's ridiculous. Humbug.
DIAMOND
Then he climbed into the sack and was soon snoring up a storm.
MUSIC: TRANSITION, BELL CHIMING IN BACKGROUND.
DIAMOND
When Scrooge awoke, it was still dark, and the bell from the church on 53rd Street was striking twelve. He laid awake listening and thinking to himself. It's just a dream. Ghosts. Bah! Finally, he dropped off again and slept for about an hour. Then the big bell struck one.
SCROOGE
One o'clock, and I don't see no ghost. I knew it was something I ate.
DIAMOND
All of a sudden, a big light flashed in the room. The first of the spirits stood before him.
SCROOGE
Oh, Jake was right. Are you the first spirit that Jake said would come to haunt me?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Yeah, you know it.
SCROOGE
Well, who are you?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Me? I'm the ghost of Christmas passed.
SCROOGE
Yeah? How long passed?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Your past. Come on, we're gonna take a walk.
SCROOGE
Where are we going?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Just relax. I'm running this tour.
SCROOGE
Well, let me get my pants.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You got 'em.
SCROOGE
Hey, they're on me!
MUSIC: STINGER, TRANSITION
DIAMOND
With that, the Ghost of Christmas Past grabbed Scrooge by the hand and they both flew out of the window. Scrooge had nearly lost his upper plate, but before he could yell for help, he was standing in front of a dirty, ramshackle old tenement building.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You, ahhh, know where you are?
SCROOGE
Sure, I know where I am. This is where I was brought up. Even the garbage cans are the same.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You had a pretty tough time when you were a kid, didn't you?
SCROOGE
The toughest. I wasn't very big, and the rest of the kids in the neighborhood were. I had more black eyes than a crow.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You wanna go in?
SCROOGE
What for?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
To see your folks.
SCROOGE
My folks died a long time ago.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
They're in there now. Come on.
DIAMOND
Well, the ghost took old Scrooge into the building and showed him a Christmas years past when he was a child of this family. Sure, it was tough living in two little rooms like that, but Scrooge remembered how wonderful it really was.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
What's the matter, Scrooge?
SCROOGE
Huh? Oh, I've got something in my eye.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
You were pretty lonely when your folks, when they . . .
SCROOGE
Yeah. . . . You know, there was a young kid that came around earlier this evening and sang some carols. I wish . . .
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Yeah? Uh, what do you wish?
SCROOGE
Oh, nothing.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Come on. I want to show you another Christmas.
DIAMOND
The spirit showed him another Christmas and still another and you know no matter how tough Scrooge remembered his childhood had been, it always seemed that Christmas was wonderful. Then the spirit took him to a building down by the river where Scrooge got his first job. They went inside and seated behind a desk, Scrooge spotted . . .
SCROOGE
Fezzwig! Well I'll be darned, it's old Fezzywig alive again. And there's Dick Wilkins. He was a good boy. We got along great. He liked me.
FEZZYWIG
Okay, everybody, it's Christmas Eve. You can knock off and have yourself a good time. You better lock up, Dick.
WILKINS
Sure, right away, Mr. Fezzywig.
FEZZYWIG
Yeah, don't look so unhappy, Ebenezer. It's Christmas. Come on home with me and tear into a big turkey. All locked up, Dick?
WILKINS
Yes, sir.
FEZZYWIG
Ready, Ebenezer?
SCROOGE
Yes, sir.
FEZZYWIG
Merry Christmas, you two.
SCROOGE AND WILKINS
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
DIAMOND
Then the spirit took Scrooge over to Fezzywig's house and they saw the wonderful party that Mrs. Fezzywig had gotten together. Scrooge watched and remembered, and the spirit said . . .
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Wasn't Fezzywig a stupid, sentimental old goat?
SCROOGE
Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you something. He was a great guy, he was.  You know . . .
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
What, Scrooge?
SCROOGE
I was just thinking about Bob Cratchit, who works for me. I was thinkin' I'd like to do something for him. You know, he's got a wife and four kids.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Is that right?
SCROOGE
Yeah. Four kids. Come on, I've seen enough.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Okay, but you . . . You've got to see these things if you want to get squared away, and believe me, brother, you need squaring away. Let's go home, Scrooge.
SCROOGE
Before he knew it, Scrooge was back in his little room, and the spirit was gone. Scrooge was pretty beat, and he climbed in the bed and dropped into a heavy sleep.
MUSIC: OMINOUS MUSIC, SNORING, CLOCK CHIMES
SCROOGE
Huh? What's that? It's two o'clock. Hey . . . that light! In the other room, I got burglars!
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Hey Scrooge! Scrooge, come on in!
SCROOGE
Who's that? What are you doing in the other room?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Come on in! Take a look. It's pretty nifty!
SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON WOODEN FLOOR
SCROOGE
Hey, what is this? What have you done to the room? It looks like Macy's window. Where'd you get all the Holly and the Mistletoe? And how'd you get it in here?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
You like it?
SCROOGE
Oh, for Pete's sake, a Christmas tree. Who are you?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
The Ghost of Christmas Present. Now, don't tell me you don't like the way I fix things up. I worked pretty hard.
SCROOGE
The second ghost. Okay, take me wherever you want to go, but believe me the next time I try the train.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Come on, let's go.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Now what do you see?
SCROOGE
I see bright colored lights, people having a lot of fun, kids on sleighs.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
See that building over there? The one with the big wreath on the front door?
SCROOGE
I got 20/20. That's where Bob Pratchett lives. He works for me. Hey, look. There's Bob now.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Yes, going into the house. Up all those stairs to the fifth floor, and he's got his little boy on his back.
SCROOGE
Tiny Tim.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Yeah. Got polio last summer. Pretty sick little boy.
SCROOGE
I know. Bob said he'd need a lot of care if he was ever going to walk again.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
 Let's take a peek.
CRATCHIT
Hi.
MRS. CRATCHIT
Hello, honey. You and Tim have a good time?
CRATCHIT
Best. Didn't we, Tim?
TINY TIM
Yeah, Dad. We watched all the kids on the block on their sleds. Ma, will I ever be able to ride a sled?
MRS. CRATCHIT
Of course, Tim. Won't he, dear?
CRATCHIT
Sure thing, roughneck. You'll be out there doing belly whoppers with the rest of 'em.
TINY TIM
Dad, what's the matter? Your eyes are all wet.
CRATCHIT
Oh, nothing, Tim. I just got some snow in 'em.
MRS. CRATCHIT
Want some dinner, Tim?
TINY TIM
Oh, Mom, stew for Christmas?
MRS. CRATCHIT
I'm sorry, Tim.
TINY TIM
Oh, that's okay, Mom. I like stew.
MRS. CRATCHIT
Bob, will you please say grace?
TINY TIM
Can I say something first, Mom?
MRS. CRATCHIT
Of course, Tim. What would you like to say?
TINY TIM
God bless us. Everyone.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
What's the matter, Scrooge, old boy? Got some snow in your eyes, too?
SCROOGE
Tell me something.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Sure, if I can.
SCROOGE
What about Tiny Tim?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Well, can't say for sure. If his old man makes enough money next year to get the right doctor, his little Tim will get along just fine. But times are tough, aren't they, Scrooge?
SCROOGE
Yeah.
DIAMOND
Now the Spirit of Christmas Present took Scrooge to many places and showed him a lot of happiness and a lot of misery, and finally, back to his little room, the spirit was gone.
SCROOGE
Oh, I don't know whether I can take much more of this.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
DIAMOND
Then the new ghost drifted in. This was the worst yet. He was really done up for haunting. He was all dressed in black with one arm sticking out and pointing right at poor old Scrooge. This was the last one of the spirits. Scrooge's knees sounded like castanets on a reducing machine.
SCROOGE
Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me. You're the ghost of the Christmas that hasn't come yet. You I'm really scared of.
DIAMOND
The ghost took off with Scrooge right after him. The city disappeared, and Scrooge found himself on the outskirts of town, standing in the graveyard. The night was howling like it was mad, and as Scrooge looked down, he saw . . .
SCROOGE
Hey, what's this? What's this stone?
DIAMOND
The black spirit stood still and pointed, so Scrooge leaned down and pulled away the bushes . . . and saw it was a tombstone.
SCROOGE
There's a name here. Ebenezer . . . Scrooge! Oh, no, no! Look, not this. Believe me, I don't want this. I know I've done wrong, but I'm not kidding. I really know what Christmas means. It doesn't mean just today or tomorrow. It's every day, every day of your life. I swear I'll do better. Only take me away from this. Let me try. Let me try to make Christmas right for me and everybody else. Please, don't let this happen. Give me another chance. Well, don't just stand there. Put your arm back in, you'll catch cold. Well, say something.
MUSIC: STINGER
DIAMOND
Suddenly Scrooge dropped to his knees and reached out for the spirit, but something happened. The spirit started to shrink. Then it collapsed, and when Scrooge looked up . . .
SCROOGE
What the . . .? My bedpost! My own bedpost! I'm home! Oh, thank goodness! I lived the past and the present and the future, and now I'm home! Hallelujah! Spirits wherever you are, believe me. From now on, things are going to be different. Oh, yeah, and . . .thanks.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR, DOOR OPENS, NEWSPAPER BOY OUTSIDE CALLS OUT
NEWSPAPER BOY
Papers, morning papers . . .
SCROOGE
Hey, boy!
NEWSPAPER BOY
Yeah?
SCROOGE
What day is this?
NEWSPAPER BOY
It's Christmas. What's with you?
SCROOGE
Christmas!? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, I haven't missed it. The spooks did it all in one night. Boy!
NEWSPAPER BOY
Yes. (DEFLATED) Oh . . . It's you Mr. Scrooge.
SCROOGD
How many papers have you got?
NEWSPAPER BOY
I donna know. (SPITEFUL) One!
SCROOGE
Well, here's five bucks. Throw 'em away and go have yourself a Merry Christmas.
NEWSPAPER BOY
Gee, thanks, Mr. Scrooge, and Merry Christmas to ya!
SCROOGE
(LAUGHS) Hey, boy, say that again.
NEWSPAPER BOY
Thanks?
SCROOGE
No, no, no, the other.
NEWSPAPER BOY
You mean Merry Christmas?
SCROOGE
Yeah, that's it. Merry Christmas.
MUSIC: CROSS FADE TO KNOCKING ON DOOR
BARNEY
OK. Hey, okay, I'm coming. What's the matter with you? Can't you see the store's closed? Look, mister, this is . . . Eb, Ebenezer Scrooge.
SCROOGE
Merry Christmas, Barney.
BARNEY
Huh? Hey, you been drinking?
SCROOGE
Not a drop. Well, what's the matter with you? Ain't you gonna wish me a Merry Christmas?
BARNEY
Oh, sure, sure, come on in. Wife's upstairs with her mother, but I got a bottle in the back. I think maybe you'd better have somethin', somethin' strong.
SCROOGE
Look, your grocery store's closed, but you could still sell me a turkey, couldn't you?
BARNEY
Well, I don't know.
SCROOGE
Well, you've got a couple, they'll just go to waste.
BARNEY
What do you want a turkey for? You've been eating at the automat every Christmas for the last seven years.
SCROOGE
Oh, it's not for me, but nevertheless, I have been invited to my nephew Fred's house for a Christmas dinner.
BARNEY
Well, then, who's the bird for?
SCROOGE
Bob Cratchit. You know, the young guy that works for me.
BARNEY
Oh, yeah, yeah. How much you gonna charge him?
SCROOGE
Here's 20 bucks. That ought to be enough for the bird.
BARNEY
No, no, no. It ain't worth that much. You sure you ain't been into something?
SCROOGE
Well, if it's too much, give the rest to your kid and have him deliver the turkey to Cratchit's house. Here's the address and don't tell Cratchit who sent the thing, okay?
BARNEY
Okay.
SCROOGE
Merry Christmas, Barney.
BARNEY
Yeah. Merry Christmas.
DIAMOND
Well, old Scrooge went back to his room and took out an old blue suit out of the mothballs. He shook it out, put a few creases in it, and went out in the street. The old boy was really with it. Everybody he passed, he greeted them with
SCROOGE AND OTHERS
"Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "Oh, Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas."
DIAMOND
Scrooge went to church and gave a large donation, and Father McCarthy nearly forgot his sermon, and then Scrooge went out on the street again, and down into the Bowery.
MUSIC: UPBEAT, COIN CLINKS IN COLLECTION KETTLE
MAN ON STREET
Oh, God bless you, sir, and a Merry Christmas.
SCROOGE
Isn't it, though?
DIAMOND
He kept walking and having a great time. Later that afternoon, he arrived at his nephew's house.
SFX: DOOR BELL
FRED
Well, what the . . .
SCROOGE
Merry Christmas, Fred. I've come to dinner.
FRED
Oh, my gosh.
SCROOGE
Here, I've brought you some presents.
FRED
Oh, my gosh.
SCROOGE
Now, don't thank me. It's Christmas, remember?
FRED
Oh, my gosh!
DIAMOND
Next morning, Scrooge was early at the office. If he could just catch Cratchit coming in late, and he did. Bob was a good 21 minutes late.
SCROOGE
Cratchit?
CRATCHIT
Oh, no.
SCROOGE
You're 21 minutes late.
CRATCHIT
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Mr. Scrooge. I had a big evening last night.
SCROOGE
You did, huh? You know what I told you if I caught you fancy footing it in here late again.
CRATCHIT
 Okay, so I'm canned.
SCROOGE
You think you got it coming?
CRATCHIT
Oh, I'm too tired to argue, Mr. Scrooge. Jobs are tough enough and I hate to lose this one, but I'm just too tired.
SCROOGE
A raise would help, huh?
CRATCHIT
That's the silliest question of the year.
SCROOGE
Then you got it. It's in that envelope.
CRATCHIT
What?
SCROOGE
Yeah, and maybe after we see how the funds are, we can do something about Tiny Tim.
CRATCHIT
I don't get it. A raise? You want to do something about Tim? I don't get it.
SCROOGE
Sure you do, Bob. Haven't you heard? It's Christmas. Now, go on home. Take the day off. Take the week off. Come back when you feel like it. Merry Christmas.
CRATCHIT
Uh, Mr. Scrooge?
SCROOGE
Yeah?
CRATCHIT
Eh? Merry Christmas.
DIAMOND
And Scrooge really did it. He was as good as his word, better even. He made it the merriest Christmas ever, and later, things got better and he took care of Tiny Tim. Sure enough, Tim was out on his sled the next Christmas, doing belly whoppers with the best of 'em. Every Christmas thereafter, all along the big street it was said, "If anyone knew how to make Christmas merry, old Ebenezer Scrooge was that one."
SCROOGE
And I hope that can really be said about all of us, just like Tiny Tim said.
TINY TIM
God bless us, everyone.
SCROOGE
That's right, Tim. God bless us, everyone.
MUSIC: SINGING, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, GOD BLESS EVERY ONE."
HELEN
Oh, Nick.
DIAMOND
Yes, Helen?
HELEN
That was wonderful. Not quite the way Dickens wrote it, but it meant the same thing.
DIAMOND
Oh, you really like it, baby?
HELEN 
Oh, I loved it. No reason in the world why old Scrooge couldn't have been living right here today. You've got the spirit, and that's what counts. How did you like it, Walt?
WALTER LEVINS
Rick, I gotta hand it to you. It was really great.
OTIS
Uh, Lieutenant?
WALTER
Yeah, what is it, Otis?
OTIS
Uh, how'd I do in the play?
WALTER
You were magnificent, Sergeant.
OTIS
You know, I bet if I studied for a couple of weeks, I'd get me a part on Broadway, to be or not to be, that's the question.
WALTER
Oh no.
DIAMOND
Now Walt, leave him alone.
WALTER
Oh sure, sure. Ahh . . . Monsieur Otis.
OTIS
Huh?
WALTER
Wouldst thou accompany me over to the punch bowl for a short flagon of nectar?
OTIS
Sure, I wouldst. See you later, Helen, Rick.
WALTER
Yeah, come on, Barrymore. Let's see if the punch bowl fits your head.
DIAMOND
Oh, aren't they lovely?
HELEN
You want something to eat.
SFX: CHRISTMAS CAROL HEARD IN BACKGROUND
DIAMOND
Hey, wait a minute.
HELEN
What's the matter?
DIAMOND
Listen. They're out here, by this window. Come on, let's go listen.
SFX: WINDOW OPENS. SINGING HEARD CLEARLY NOW, FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.
SFX: APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AT THE SONG'S END.
HELEN
Oh wasn't that wonderful, Rick?
DIAMOND
It sure was.
HELEN
Rick . . . Rick sing something with them.
DIAMOND
Oh no, honey. I don't want to louse up the act.
HELEN
Please . . . Rick . . . Come on.
SFX: OTHER VOICES URGING RICHARD POWELL TO SING.
DIAMOND
All right . . . I'll tell you what I'll do. Everybody usually sings Christmas songs about snow. I'm going to sing one about sunshine. It's called "Mele Kalikimaka."
HELEN
"Mele Kalikimaka"?
DIAMOND
Well, it means Merry Christmas in Hawaiian.
HELEN
In Hawaiian?
DIAMOND
Sure, it's a brand new song. They love it over there, and we love it here.
MUSIC: PIANO MUSIC BEGINS
DIAMOND
Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say, in haole maka iho. That's our Christmas greeting in Hawai'i, and a Happy New Year. With the hope that Christmas may be green and bright. The sun to shine by day and all the stars that night. Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you.
HELEN
Rick . . .
DIAMOND
Mm-hmm?
HELEN
Merry Christmas.
DIAMOND
Yes . . . and a Merry Christmas to everybody.
MUSIC: CHRISTMAS CAROL UP AND TO END.
HOST CONCLUSION (ACT #2)
HOST
We just listened to "A Christmas Carol" adapted by Richard Powell and the cast of the "Richard Diamond, Private Detective" series, first broadcast Christmas Eve, 1949.
For more information, visit the episode page at our website, reimaginedradio dot FM.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
THE RIR BREAK
HOST
Each episode of Re-Imagined Radio combines Voice, Music, and Sound Effects to provide immersive listening experiences. Like this . . .
MUSIC: RIR THEME. ESTABLISH, THEN FADE OUT UNDER THE FOLLOWING.
SFX: RE-IMAGINED RADIO AUDIO TRAILER
HOST
More information is available at our website . . . reimaginedradio DOT fm.
MUSIC: RIR THEME, ESTABLISH, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
HOST CREDITS/CLOSE
HOST
This episode of Re-Imagined Radio was written by John Barber.
Sound Design, original music composition, and post-production by Marc Rose.
Graphic design by Holly Slocum and Evan Leyden.
Social Media and YouTube by Rylan Eisenhauer.
We offer Re-Imagined Radio with support from KXRW-FM (Vancouver, Washington), KXRY-FM (Portland, Oregon), and KMWV-FM (Salem, Oregon).
Episodes are archived at our website, reimaginedradio DOT fm.
Connect with us on social media. Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, YouTube, and X/Twitter.
This is John Barber, producer and host. Thank you for listening.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
ANNOUNCER CLOSE
ANNOUNCER
This is a production of Re-Imagined Radio. To learn more, visit our website, reimaginedradio (all one word, no punctuation) DOT fm. 
Please join us again for another episode of Re-Imagined Radio where we will continue our exploration of radio storytelling.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, AND TO END.